June 29, 2020

Words of Affirmation Love Language


With the Words of Affirmation Love Language, individuals tend to feel loved when they receive compliments from their partner.  Verbalizing your love with words has a large very impact for them. Statements like “I’m grateful you…”, “I appreciate that you…”, and “I love how you…” will help you partner feel loved if their primary love language is words of affirmation. If this is your partner’s love language, try telling them things you appreciate about them and compliment them often.  (Wondering about the difference between primary and secondary love languages?? Click here to learn more.)


The key is showing your appreciation for your partner through words. This does not always have to be verbalizing it in person—hand written cards and notes will have the same impact as long as you are sharing your appreciations for your partner. When you partner’s love language is words of affirmation, they long to know what makes them special and unique to you. Make sure to tell them about why you find them special and why you love them. This will make their heart soar!

Individuals whose love language is words of affirmation tend to be very aware of the details of other peoples lives. They will notice if you did something different and will usually remember the details of your previous conversations and ask follow up questions when they see you next. They tend to be very encouraging and notice the unique details of others. If this is your partner’s love language, they are longing for you to notice the details of their life, ask follow up questions about how things have gone, and provide verbal encouragement and support.

Speaking the “Words of Affirmation” Love Language 

If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation and yours isn’t; then you are probably wondering how to actually go about speaking their love language. Here are some tips:

  • Be genuine and authentic; they will be able to tell if you are faking it.
  • Show empathy and validate them. Tell them about how what they feel and think makes sense.
  • Compliment them. Tell them what you are grateful for and what you appreciate.
  • Say “I love you” often and tell them why you love them.
  • Try non-verbal options like writing cards, notes, and post-it notes. You could also share poems, quotes, or song lyrics that remind you of them.
  • Point out what they excel at.
  • Make a list ahead of time so you have some ideas of what to say.

Things to Avoid in the Words of Affirmation Language


Since words carry so much weight for the person whose love language is words of affirmation, negative blaming and criticism words have a powerfully negative impact. Just as positive words have an impact, the negative do too. They will be very hurt and wounded by negative and critical comments. You’ll want to avoid:

  • Blaming them
  • Name Calling
  • Critical Remarks
  • Teasing too much
  • Using hurtful words
  • Saying what you know will hurt them during a fight
  • Condescending comments
  • Trying to convince them they are wrong or actually think differently than what they are telling you
  • Withholding words of affirmation as a form of punishment or to get your point across

​We all need love relationship to thrive in life. Part of having love relationships is knowing how to show love to others in a way that they will receive. For someone whose love language is words of affirmation, telling them how much you care for, appreciate, and love them helps them feel full and confident in your love. They need to understand why they are important to you.

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    About Author

    Elizabeth Polinsky is a Certified Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist (EFT) providing EFT marriage counseling in the states of Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, Arkansas, and Nevada. She also provides EFT training and supervision to therapists looking to become certified in EFT Couple Therapy. As a military spouse, she has a special passion for working with military and veteran couples, and is also the host of The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships.


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