Post Update: The article was updated on February 10th, 2024, and originally published on March 04th, 2025. It has been completely revamped and updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Every relationship goes through ups and downs, but how do you know when to seek marriage counseling? Many married couples wait far too long before getting help, thinking they should be able to work things out on their own. Some worry that couples therapy can help only if their relationship is already falling apart. But the truth is, counseling isn’t just for couples on the brink of separation—it’s for anyone who wants to strengthen their relationship, improve communication, and reconnect.
If you’re feeling distant from your partner, struggling with handling conflict or questioning your level of emotional and physical intimacy, you’re not alone. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that couples might experience difficulties for years of marriage before reaching out for support. But waiting too long can make things harder to repair.
This article will cover some of the signs that it’s time to seek marriage counseling.
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Signs You Need Marriage Counseling: When to Talk to a Marriage Counselor
Every marriage has its ups and downs, but how do you know when your relationship could truly benefit from marriage counseling? Plenty of couples struggle with relationship problems, and while some issues may feel solvable, others can leave you feeling stuck, disconnected, or even resentful. If you’re wondering whether you may need marriage counseling, you’re not alone—couples might wait years before they seek help, but it’s often better to get support before things spiral.
1. Problems with communication
I’m sure you have heard that communication is one of the most important aspects of a romantic relationship. When communication is not going well, couples experience more conflict, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings. If not fixed, this can lead to more distance and eventually the end of the relationship. If you are finding that you are having communication problems and a lot of miscommunication, then it may be time to seek marriage counseling. Marriage counseling can help you improve your communication by helping you and your partner share your thoughts and feelings in an effective way, as well as improve your ability to listen and hear each other.
2. Lack of emotional and physical intimacy
Intimacy can be both emotional and physical, and both are important for a marriage. Without emotional and physical intimacy, couples feel disconnected, and like roommates. Marriage counseling can help couples find a way to reconnect both emotionally and physically.
3. Infidelity
Infidelity, whether it is an affair or pornography use, can destroy the trust and emotional safety of a relationship. Marriage counseling can help couples decide whether they want to stay together and save their marriage or go on different paths. If couples do stay together, then marriage counseling can help them learn to resolve their challenges and understand what made their relationship vulnerable to infidelity. Therapy provides a safe space where couples can plan to safeguard against infidelity in the future. Marriage counseling can also help couples heal from the pain of betrayal and repair the broken trust.
Additional Reading: Read more about Infidelity Counseling: Mending Broken Trust.
4. Constant fighting
If you are noticing that you and your partner are constantly fighting, then this is a sign that it may be time to seek marriage counseling. Constant fights and arguing are draining to both partners and can damage the relationship. This may be a sign that a couple can’t resolve conflicts on their own and may need the help of a marriage counselor to learn how to communicate and build trust.
5. Money problems
Money problems are one of the most common sources of conflict for couples and one of the reasons couples get divorced. Conflicts happen most often when each partner has a different approach to managing money. This can cause tension when you both manage money in different ways. Marriage counseling can help you discuss money in a neutral, less stressful environment so you can get on the same page with your money management. Sometimes this may involve creating a budget together, getting on the same page with financial goals and priorities, or even just improving communication and transparency around money-related topics.
6. Disagreements in parenting
Parenting is another common conflict point for couples and a top reason for divorce. Couples often have differing ideas on how to parent and manage discipline, which can lead to fights and arguments. Marriage counseling can help you discuss parenting concerns in a neutral, less stressful environment so you can get on the same page with a parenting plan.
Additional Reading: You might want to learn How Long Does Marriage Counseling Take: A Guide to The Average Length of Marriage Counseling.
7. Substance abuse
Substance use can cause significant challenges for couple relationships, especially when the level of substance abuse is severe. Substance abuse tends to increase vulnerability to negative fights and even intimate partner violence. If one partner has an addiction, this can severely impact both partners. While an individual with an addiction will need individual counseling, marriage counseling can also be beneficial to help couples address the impact of the addiction on the marriage and be on the same page with an addiction recovery plan.
8. Mental health issues
Mental health issues can have a big impact on a marriage relationship and put strain and tension on the partner. Marriage or couples counseling, and specifically Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, has been shown to be an effective treatment for couples to develop strategies together to manage mental health challenges. Not only does the couple’s relationship improve, but research has also indicated that decreases in depression, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms are common outcomes of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.
9. Sexual problems
Sex is another common challenge for many couples – especially because it is common for partners to have different levels of desire for sex. Other sexual concerns can include lack of sexual desire, problems with pain during sex, problems with arousal or orgasm, and anxiety around sex. Because sex is such an important part of a marriage and because many people have a lot of insecurities around sex, sexual problems can create a lot of conflict and tension. Marriage counseling can help couples address sexual problems to have a more fulfilling sexual relationship.
10. Loss of trust
Most people think of loss of trust in a relationship as the consequence of infidelity, but loss of trust can happen outside of betrayals as well. Part of what is needed for trust is predictability, consistency, and transparency. So whether it is caused by infidelity, substance use, mental health problems, secrets, or something else, a loss of trust is a sign that it may be time to seek marriage counseling. Marriage counseling can help couples take the steps needed to rebuild trust in their relationship.
Benefits of Marriage Therapy: How a Marriage Therapist Can Help
Many couples wait an average of six years before seeking counseling, often believing they can handle things on their own. But the truth is, outside help can be the key to repairing and strengthening your relationship. A skilled counselor can provide guidance on how to navigate conflicts, rebuild trust, and deepen your level of intimacy—whether you’ve been together for a few years or a few decades.
At some point, one or both partners may struggle with resentment, emotional disconnection, or even lingering hurt from past mistakes. Sometimes couples drift apart due to major life changes, like the birth of a child or career changes, while others face deeper wounds from betrayals or repeated arguments. Whatever your situation, marriage therapy can help improve your connection by:
- Teaching you how to communicate effectively so both partners feel heard
- Helping you manage feelings of anger or frustration in a healthy way
- Addressing issues like infidelity or emotional distance with professional guidance
- Supporting one person in a relationship who may be struggling more than the other
- Strengthening your bond by improving trust and emotional intimacy
It can also help couples understand and address any underlying problems that made them vulnerable to the problem in the first place.
A clinical psychologist or trained marriage therapist understands that every relationship comes with a set of challenges, and they work hand-in-hand with couples to find solutions. Whether you’re newly married, considering premarital counseling, or years into a partnership, therapy offers the tools to build a healthy marriage that lasts.
By working with a professional counselor, couples can strengthen their relationship, build a healthy marriage, and develop new skills to be able to better approach problems or differences in the future.
Additional Reading: Learn the 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling.
Your Marriage Is Worth It. Start Marriage Counseling Today.
If you’re considering marriage counseling, you’ve already taken a big step toward strengthening your relationship. At Communicate & Connect Counseling, we know that every marriage faces challenges—whether it’s resentment, a breach of trust from infidelity, or simply feeling disconnected from your partner. No matter where you are in your relationship, our experienced couples counselors specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy are here to help.
Additional Reading: Discover How to Find a Marriage Counselor That’s Perfect for You and Your Partner.
Certified marriage and couples counselor ready to help
At Communicate & Connect Counseling, we use research-backed approaches to help couples strengthen their relationships. Our marriage therapy sessions are designed to:
- Help you communicate better and truly understand each other’s needs
- Provide tools to rebuild trust and heal from past hurts
- Teach conflict resolution strategies so you can navigate disagreements in a healthy way
- Support couples whose marriages are struggling, offering guidance to reconnect and move forward
- Give you a safe space to work through difficult emotions, including anger, resentment, or personality quirks that may be causing tension
If you’re feeling stuck or uncertain about the future of your relationship, know that there is still hope. Marriage counseling works, and the right therapist can help you and your partner find clarity, connection, and a stronger foundation for the future.
Ready to take the next step? Contact us today and let’s work together to improve your marriage!
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About Author
Elizabeth Polinsky is a Certified Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist (EFT) providing EFT marriage counseling in the states of Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, Arkansas, and Nevada. She also provides EFT training and supervision to therapists looking to become certified in EFT Couple Therapy. As a military spouse, she has a special passion for working with military and veteran couples, and is also the host of The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships.
DISCLAIMER:
My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided is not intended to be therapy or psychological advice; and nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship.
I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation; you should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website.
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