August 3, 2020

3 Types of Intimacy in Marriage

Moments of intimacy


When looking for a romantic relationship, we all want intimacy. When people talk about good marriages, they talk about how they have intimacy. And when people talk about bad marriages or come to marriage counseling, they often say that intimacy is missing.

But what exactly is intimacy?

Intimacy in marriage has three central components:

1. Showing intimacy in marriage means sharing personal information.

In good relationships and marriages, couples are able to share personal and intimate details with each other. By sharing vulnerable emotions, your partner is able to emotionally understand and empathize with you. In happy long-term marriages, couples share vulnerability with each other and understand each other’s deeper emotions. This allows couples to depend on each other for emotional support.

Overhead Shot of a Couple Looking at Each Other

2. Showing intimacy in marriage means building more trust.

This mutual vulnerability leads to a deeper emotional connection and more trust. The more couples are able to share vulnerability and have their emotions understood, they develop a deeper trust in each other. They trust their partner to have their back. This level of emotional trust naturally leads to more positive feelings toward each other. And when couples feel emotionally connected and have emotional trust in their marriage, they also begin to notice the positives about their relationship and each other again.

3. Showing intimacy in marriage means being able to communicate strong feelings.

The last component of intimacy is communicating those positive emotions to each other. Couples can communicate this is many ways. Some couples verbalize their appreciation for each other and the things that they admire about each other. Other couples share more physical affection through hugs, holding hands, or cuddling. There are many ways a couple could show affection—the important part is that they actually show it!

As a military marriage counselor, I am often helping couples regain intimacy in their relationships and develop deeper emotional connections. Marriage counseling is a great tool to start growing intimacy in your relationship again. Just remember, the first steps are to be vulnerable and share personal information, promote positive feelings for each other, and tell your partner about the positive feeling you for them!

Man and Woman Holding Hands

Want more intimacy in your relationship? Download my FREE Guide Date Night: Ideas for Your Love Language. ​

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    About Author

    Elizabeth Polinsky is a Certified Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist (EFT) providing EFT marriage counseling in the states of Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, Arkansas, and Nevada. She also provides EFT training and supervision to therapists looking to become certified in EFT Couple Therapy. As a military spouse, she has a special passion for working with military and veteran couples, and is also the host of The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships.


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