Healing PTSD And Anger In Relationships In Virginia Beach, VA: Help

Post Update: The article was updated on March 25th, 2025, and originally published on February 10th, 2024. It has been completely revamped and updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that arises after a person experiences or witnesses a traumatic event. This disorder can profoundly impact an individual’s life, influencing their emotions, behaviors, and interactions, especially in intimate relationships. Symptoms of PTSD and anger in relationships can include intense emotions, intrusive memories, and heightened anxiety, which can be triggered by various reminders of the trauma.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, about 3.5% of U.S. adults are affected by PTSD. PTSD triggers are sights, sounds, smells, or situations that bring back distressing memories of a traumatic event someone went through. These trauma reminders often cause a big emotional response in a trauma survivor because they bring back the severe emotions experienced at the time of the traumatic event.

Whether it’s right after a traumatic event, or it’s been years and the symptoms are still present, PTSD symptoms can be an incredibly painful experience for both the individual and their romantic partner.

IN THIS ARTICLE: 

How Does PTSD Affect a Relationship

PTSD triggers can cause intense emotional reactions, such as fear, intense anxiety, and anger, which can lead to trust issues, avoidance behavior, confusion, conflict, and misunderstanding between partners.

Common PTSD Triggers in Relationships

• Arguments or conflicts can trigger negative feelings of fear or anxiety, reminiscent of past traumatic experiences.
• Anniversaries of traumatic events, such as the date of a natural disaster or personal loss, can reignite traumatic memories and strong emotions.
• Emotional responses such as feeling ignored or abandoned can mirror past traumas, leading to heightened reactions in the present.

It can be hard not to take someone’s reaction to PTSD triggers personally. For example, if the traumatized person becomes triggered during a movie and walks into the other room, it can be easy for the family members to think the person isn’t interested in spending time with them. Or if a partner with PTSD gets triggered during an argument, they may react with anger and their partner may feel like they were overreacting.

Complex PTSD Triggers in Relationships 

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), complex PTSD—which often stems from prolonged trauma like childhood abuse or repeated violence—comes with challenges like difficulties with trust, emotional regulation, and feelings of guilt and inadequacy. That’s why understanding triggers is a crucial first step toward healing. The good news? Support can help, and there are effective treatment options, like therapy and family therapy, to navigate these struggles.

• Feeling emotionally vulnerable or exposed, which may trigger past trauma memories.
• Perceived rejection or abandonment, such as a partner needing space.
• Problems with trust, especially if trust was broken in past relationships.
• Verbal or physical expressions of anger, whichmay affect someone with a trauma history.
• Physical intimacy, which can trigger memories of abuse.
• Criticism or disapproval, leading tofeelings of guilt and inadequacy.
• Loss of control in situations, making it hard to feel safe.

If you or someone you love is struggling, getting help through family therapy or individual counseling can be a powerful step toward maintaining relationships and healing. Support someone you care about—encourage your loved one to get help.

Additional Reading: You may also find Military PTSD and Relationships helpful.

Common Relationship PTSD Symptoms

While there can be some variations of how PTSD may impact someone, there are common symptoms that most people with PTSD often have in common.

• Trauma Flashbacks or Nightmares: Flashbacks are when the memory is so strong that it feels like the person is reliving the experience. When this happens, it feels like the traumatic event is happening all over again. Trauma flashbacks can be emotionally overwhelming, cause the person to seem lost in their head/the memory, and make it difficult for them to focus on the present moment with the partner. 
• Emotional Numbing: Emotional numbing helps people with PTSD function with the chaotic feelings of the traumatic event, memories, and flashbacks. However, when someone emotionally detaches, they become detached from both positive and negative emotions.  This can make it hard for them to communicate about emotions, feel positive emotions, show affection, and it can make it hard for partners to feel emotionally connected to them, causing relationship problems.
• Irritability & Being on Guard: It can be a frustrating and overwhelming experience to be managing the symptoms of PTSD. The person might be constantly on guard for the possibility of future danger. This can also make them easily agitated and irritable. While understandable within the context of posttraumatic stress disorder, it can be really hard for partners to know how to address concerns with them due to a fear of angry outbursts. 
• Avoidance: It’s so natural that when someone is experiencing trauma triggers and a feeling of having to be on guard all the time, that they would want to avoid situations that would cause them to feel so uncomfortable. Avoidance is a primary symptom of PTSD as people start to avoid people, places, and situations that remind them of the traumatic event. This can be hard for partners who want to spend quality time together by going out to do activities.
• Communication Problems: Due to the emotional numbing and irritability, it can be hard for someone with PTSD to communicate effectively about emotional topics and to feel a sense of emotional engagement in the relationship. Partners often find it hard to understand the PTSD symptoms and how those are impacting the relationship, and this can make them feel lost on how to be supportive.
• Intimacy Challenges: Intimacy problems can be related to the emotional disconnection or trauma triggers (especially in the case of sexual trauma). Both emotional and physical intimacy can be impacted. 

Challenges Faced by Partners of People with PTSD

It can be a challenging experience to be in a relationship with someone who has PTSD symptoms and not know what to do to help them or feel close again. Partners often feel helpless about what to do and struggle to understand the impact of this type of trauma in the relationship. Common concerns include feeling emotionally distant from their partner, difficulty coping with irritability and anger outbursts, struggling with communication, and feeling a lack of intimacy in the relationship. 

Understanding Symptoms of PTSD in Relationships

The first important step for partners is to work on understanding the symptoms of PTSD. This can be hard when you have not experienced trauma in the past, because it can be confusing as to why your partner is reacting the way they are. It is important for partners to learn about symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder so they can better understand what their loved one is going through. 

Dealing with the Emotional Distance

Dealing with emotional distance and disconnection can be one of the most painful impacts of PTSD on a relationship. You may feel lonely and like you are walking on egg shells around your partner, and it can be very hard not to take the emotional distance personally. Remember, this is a symptom of PTSD and not a true reflection of how your partner feels about you. 

Coping with Anger and Irritability

Coping with anger outbursts and irritability is another thing that can be particularly challenging and hard to not take personally. When your partner lashes out, especially unexpectedly, it’s hard to know how to react. It can help to learn conflict resolution skills to help calm things back down and make them feel safe. It is also helpful to give your partner space to calm down and then return to the conversation once everyone is feeling more level-headed. 

Additional Reading: You might also want to read How to Heal from a Toxic Relationship: 6 Steps to Recover from Emotional Abuse.

Communication Challenges

Communication is hard for every relationship, but can be especially challenging when your partner has PTSD and struggles to express themselves effectively. They may not be able to tell you their feelings, wants, or needs, which can leave you feeling lost and like you are the only one trying in the relationship. It also is likely making it hard for you to feel heard and understood. Patience will be needed as you both work together to improve communication and develop more effective communication strategies for a healthier relationship. 

Intimacy Challenges

Intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship, and it can be very hard when this area is being impacted by PTSD symptoms. So often both emotional and physical intimacy are impacted and cause difficulties in relationships. It may take some creativity and professional help to find ways to be affectionate and re-build the intimacy in the relationship.  

Communication Strategies to Help a Loved One Dealing with PTSD

Effective communication is needed for every healthy relationship, but it is especially needed when one partner is dealing with PTSD in a relationship. A study by the National Center for PTSD emphasized that effective communication can reduce the impact of PTSD symptoms on relationship satisfaction.

Empathy is vital in understanding a partner’s traumatic experiences and emotional reactions. A supportive environment where feelings of shame, guilt, or fear can be expressed without judgment is fundamental.

Emotional dysregulation is common in PTSD and can lead to overwhelming emotions or defensive behaviors. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other trauma-focused therapies suggest strategies like deep breathing or mindfulness to manage these reactions.

Here are some of the most effective communication strategies used to overcome relationship challenges when one of the partners is dealing with PTSD:

How to Deal with Trauma Triggers in a Relationship

• Identifying triggers: Partners should openly discuss potential PTSD triggers, including environmental factors, certain phrases, or specific types of interactions.
• Developing a plan: Once triggers are identified, couples can work on a plan to manage them. This might involve agreeing on a safe word or signal to use when a trigger arises.
• Non-verbal communication: Sometimes, words are insufficient or too much. Using non-verbal cues like a gentle touch or a comforting presence can be powerful.

It can also be helpful for couples to develop a coping skill plan together that can be used when PTSD triggers happen. This plan may include strategies to avoid triggers while still enjoying family time, such as avoiding movies and TV shows that contain sexual assaults, or wearing noise-canceling headphones when the kids want to fire off fireworks in the backyard. The plan may also include relaxation and self-soothing exercises for when triggers happen unexpectedly. This may involve breathing exercises, guided imagery, or even just going for a walk to feel more centered and cope with stress.

Self-Care and Boundaries when Supporting a Partner with PTSD

The importance of self-care and establishing healthy boundaries cannot be overstated, especially in relationships where one or both partners are dealing with PTSD. Prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries are essential steps toward maintaining individual well-being and nurturing a healthy relationship.

The Importance of Self-Care

• Self-care is vital for managing the symptoms of PTSD, such as anxiety, overwhelming emotions, and traumatic memories. Self-care practices can significantly reduce the symptoms of PTSD and improve overall well-being.
• Self-care includes a range of practices that nurture physical, emotional, and mental health. These could involve regular exercise, a balanced diet, mindfulness practices, or engaging in hobbies and activities that bring joy and relaxation.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

• Setting boundaries is crucial in any relationship but becomes even more critical when navigating the complexities of PTSD. Healthy boundaries help manage expectations and foster a sense of safety and trust.
• Boundaries may include setting limits on discussions about traumatic events, respecting personal space, or establishing routines that support a sense of normalcy and stability.

Additional Reading: Learn When to Seek Marriage Counseling? Signs It’s Time for Professional Help.

Self-Care Tips for Individuals with PTSD

• Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help manage anxiety and muscle tension, promoting a sense of calm.
• Physical Activity: Regular exercise can alleviate symptoms of PTSD by reducing stress and improving mood.
• Balanced Diet: Eating a nutritious diet supports overall health and can impact emotional well-being.
• Art Therapy: Engaging in creative activities like painting or music can be therapeutic and offer an outlet for expressing difficult emotions.

Awareness of personal triggers and emotional responses is essential in identifying when boundaries need to be set. For instance, recognizing signs of emotional dysregulation or distress can signal the need for space or a break from certain discussions.

Communication is key. Discussing and mutually agreeing upon boundaries ensures that both partners’ needs are respected and met.

Seeking Professional Help for PTSD and Relationship Issues

If you or your partner are experiencing PTSD in your relationship, it’s important to seek professional help to manage the PTSD symptoms. This could be in the form of individual therapy from a qualified mental health professional, and it could also be from a trauma-informed marriage counselor who can help you work through the relationship PTSD symptoms together. Both individual and marriage counselors can help teach you effective coping and communication skills to manage PTSD triggers.

Additional Reading: Learn How to Find a Marriage Counselor That’s Perfect for You and Your Partner.

While PTSD triggers have a serious impact on relationships, there are ways to cope and manage them! Learning to understand PTSD and to communicate effectively around PTSD triggers in a relationship, will go a long way to improving the relationship. Ultimately, the more understanding and communication there is, the more couples can create a supportive environment around the PTSD.

Seeking professional help, from individual or couples counseling, can help you manage PTSD and improve your relationship. It takes some patience, but couples can work together to build a healthy and meaningful relationship even when one or both partners are living with PTSD.

Let Us Guide You Through the Process of Managing PTSD and Relationships

If you’re seeking to strengthen your relationship in the face of PTSD, you’re not alone. PTSD can bring unique challenges to a marriage, but with the right counseling, couples can find a path to understanding, resilience, and deeper connection.

Communicate & Connect Counseling works with therapists specializing in Cognitive Processing Therapy for PTSD (CPT), Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, and our approach is rooted in empathy, deep listening, and a trauma-informed care perspective. We understand the importance of creating a safe and supportive environment for our clients, where issues like trust, emotional dysregulation, and the aftereffects of traumatic events can be explored and healed.

Your journey through counseling is a shared one. It’s about navigating the wide range of PTSD symptoms as a team, where both partners support each other and work together towards healing. Our role is to facilitate this journey, offering empathy, understanding, and professional insights tailored to your unique relationship dynamics.

Seeking marriage counseling to address PTSD in your relationship is a brave and impactful step. It’s a commitment to not only individual healing but also to the health and future of your marriage. 

Book a consultation