July 6, 2020

Physical Touch Love Language


With the Physical Touch Love Language, individuals tend to feel loved when they receive physical touch and affection from their partner.  Touch like hugs, kisses, hand holding, and cuddling have a large very impact on making them feel loves. This could also be kissing your partner on the cheek as they walk by, or touching their arm as you move around them in the kitchen. The touch does not have to be sexual or for a long period of time. In fact, frequency of small touches could make a bigger impact on your partner than long cuddle sessions if their love language is physical touch. If this is your partner’s love language, try touching them often.  (Wondering about the difference between primary and secondary love languages?? Click here to learn more.)

The key is showing your love for your partner through touch. This can be through intimate sexual touch or through non-intimate/ non-sexual touching. When you partner’s love language is physical touch, they prefer being touched over the other ways of showing love like gifts or compliments. Make sure to find ways to touch your partner often. This will make them feel close and connected to you!

Individuals whose love language is physical touch tend to be touchy with the people who are close to them. They might hug people, play fight, tickle, or cuddle with those that are important to them. They tend to be very affectionate toward others. If this is your partner’s love language, they are longing for you to also be physically affectionate back, give them hugs and kisses, and be in physical proximity to them.

​Tips for Speaking the “Physical Touch” Love Language

If your partner’s love language is physical touch and yours isn’t; then you are probably wondering how to actually go about speaking their love language. Here are some tips:

  • Frequently give hugs and kisses to your partner.
  • Touch your partner as you walk by them—a shoulder squeeze, a hand on their back, a kiss on the cheek.
  • Give your partner massages and back rubs.
  • Play with you partners hair.
  • Cuddle while you binge your favorite show.
  • Sit next to your partner on the couch, at the table, or at a restaurant or event.
  • If you are long distance: try mailing your partner a shirt that smells like you, talk about how you want to touch them (non-sexually and sexually), and have video chats where you have each other’s undivided attention.

Things to Avoid with the Physical Touch Love Language

Since physical touch is so important for the person whose love language is physical touch, negative touch has an equally negative impact. You’ll want to:

  • Avoid withholding affection when you are angry. During a fight, your partner will need to know you still care and one way to do that is to still hug them and touch them even when there is a disagreement.
  • Avoid going long periods without physical touch if possible. You don’t want your partner to feel neglected from love.
  • This might be obvious, but avoid any type harmful touch. Hurting your partner is never ok.
  • Avoid rejecting your partner when they touch you. If you scoff, or treat them coldly when they touch you, this will hurt them deeply. Instead be open and receptive to their touch.

​We all need love relationships to thrive in life. Part of having love relationships is knowing how to show love to others in a way that they will receive. For someone whose love language is physical touch, hugging, kissing, and holding hands helps them feel full and confident in your love. This helps them know they are important to you.

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    About Author

    Elizabeth Polinsky is a Certified Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist (EFT) providing EFT marriage counseling in the states of Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, Arkansas, and Nevada. She also provides EFT training and supervision to therapists looking to become certified in EFT Couple Therapy. As a military spouse, she has a special passion for working with military and veteran couples, and is also the host of The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships.


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