How does Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) work?

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What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a form of therapy that focuses on the emotional bond in significant relationships and is based on attachment theory. EFT was created by Canadian psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. While there are many individual and marriage counseling options, EFT is most well known for its effectiveness in helping improve couple relationships.

In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, EFT marriage counselors help couples understand their attachment styles and how to create a secure connection in the relationship. As couples build a secure emotional attachment bond, they can communicate better, understand each other, and have a deeper sense of trust and emotional connection.

How Effective Is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Research has shown that EFT is a highly effective form of therapy for couples that can lead to lasting improvements in relationship satisfaction and overall well-being. In clinical studies, this effective therapy has about a 70-73% success rate at achieving the goals of the couple therapy, with a 90% improvement rate even when not all goals were achieved (Johnson et al., 1999; Wiebe & Johnson, 2016).

One meta-analysis of 16 studies on EFT found that it was significantly more effective than other forms of couples therapy in improving relationship satisfaction and reducing relationship and marital distress (Johnson et al., 1999).

EFT is effective for couples recovering from various types of traumatic experiences such as: recovering from infidelity (Gordon et al., 2004), recovering from military-related PTSD (Ganz et al., 2022), and treating couples where one partner had experienced childhood sexual abuse (MacIntosh & Johnson, 2008).

Additional Reading: Are you a military spouse? You might also want to read Military Spouse Deployment Depression: Understanding The Challenges And Coping Strategies.

Overall, research studies have consistently shown that EFT is a highly effective form of therapy for couples. EFT has been found to be more effective than other forms of couples therapy in improving relationship satisfaction and reducing relationship distress and is currently the only evidenced-based couple therapy for relationship distress according to the American Psychological Association.

Who Can Benefit from Emotionally Focused Couples Counseling

Emotionally Focused Therapy isn’t just for one specific group—it’s a versatile approach that can benefit a wide range of people facing different challenges in their lives and interpersonal interactions. This type of therapy is all about helping distressed partners understand and express their emotions in a healthy way, leading to stronger relationships and greater emotional well-being. Whether you’re a couple trying to navigate relationship hurdles, an individual dealing with deep-seated emotions, or a family struggling to communicate, EFT might be exactly what you need to find clarity and connection.

• Couples in Distress: Whether a couple is facing communication issues, infidelity, or simply feeling disconnected, EFT provides a structured framework to help them navigate their emotions and rebuild a sense of emotional security. Emotion-focused therapy helps partners communicate their needs, vulnerabilities, and fears in a safe and non-judgmental environment, fostering emotional intimacy and strengthening their relationship.
• Individuals with Attachment Issues: Attachment issues typically have roots in childhood experiences, trauma, or other factors that hinder someone’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. Typically attachment issues might present as difficulty getting close to other, feelings anxious in relationships, fear of abandonment, and frequent feeling that others don’t care about you. EFT can help people explore concerns like these, and better understand how their relationship past relates to their ability to achieve a secure attachment in relationships. 
• Individuals Dealing with Grief and Loss: Grief and loss can be emotionally overwhelming, especially when it is due to the loss of an important relationship. EFT can offer support during these difficult times. Therapy can help both individuals and couples process their emotions and improve their emotional health, navigate the grieving process and negative emotions, and find ways to rebuild connections with others after experiencing loss.
• Families in Conflict: Families dealing with issues such as communication breakdowns, estrangement, or unresolved conflicts can find resolution and healing through EFT. This approach helps family members express their emotions, understand each other better, and work toward rebuilding trust and connection. It might involve sessions with the entire family as well as sessions with the most conflictual relationships.
• Individuals with Anxiety or Depression: Emotional and relationship struggles often accompany mental health disorders like anxiety and depression. EFT can be integrated into individual therapy, couples therapy, or family therapy to help clients understand and manage their emotions better. By addressing underlying emotional issues, EFT can complement other therapeutic approaches for anxiety disorders and depression and contribute to improved mental well-being.
• Anyone Seeking Deeper Self-Understanding: EFT can also benefit those who seek deeper self-understanding and personal growth. By exploring their emotions, attachment and relationship patterns, and the impact of past experiences, individuals can gain valuable insights into themselves and their relationships. This self-awareness can lead to more fulfilling personal and relationship experiences.

Additional Reading: You should also explore the Goals of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Emotionally Focused Therapy is an effective approach to therapy that can benefit a wide range of individuals and relationships. Whether you’re a distressed couple, an individual grappling with relationship concerns, or a family in conflict, EFT can provide the tools and guidance needed to navigate emotions, improve relationships, and promote overall mental well-being. 

What to Expect During EFT Assessment Sessions

EFT sessions usually take 60-90 minutes, while the entire process might last 1-2 years to complete depending on the level of distress the couple is experiencing. 

At the beginning of EFT couples therapy, you will engage in an assessment process that serves two purposes: 1) to get to know your EFT therapist better, and 2) for your EFT therapist to get to know you better.

Session 1: Orientation and Relationship History

During the first session, your EFT couple therapist will meet to go over aspects such as their policies and procedures to help you get oriented to what EFT couples therapy will be like. Then they will ask to hear more about your relationship history, love story, concerns bringing you to couples counseling, and what you both want to achieve out of the EFT couple therapy process.

Sessions 2 & 3: Individual Sessions

During the second and third sessions, your EFT therapist will meet with each partner individually. All questions will be the same for each partner, but this allows the therapist and each partner to get to know each other one-on-one. The EFT couples therapist will likely ask questions about your individual relationship history, what it was like to grow up in your family, and if there are any mental and physical health concerns impacting you in the relationship. If needed, your therapist may refer you to additional support services such as helping you find an individual therapist or medication provider.

Session 4: Summary Session

In the fourth session of EFT couple therapy, your EFT therapist will provide a summary of the assessment process and what to expect next in your therapy journey. This may include a discussion about how normal cultural or family differences have led to differing expectations in the relationship, or how past relationship insecurities may be showing up in the relationship. They will likely also include a summary of what seems like it is going well in the relationship and your relationship strengths.

Additional Reading: Learn more about How Long Does Emotionally Focused Therapy Take?

Depending on the length of time needed for the overview, it’s typical that your EFT couples therapist will start helping you figure out your communication pattern in this session if they haven’t done so already.

How Does Emotionally Focused Therapy Work: The 3 Stages of EFT

How exactly does EFT work its magic? Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT or EFCT) is completed in 3 stages of therapy: 

Stage 1: De-escalation and Engagement

As with all counseling, EFT couples therapy starts with creating a safe environment for both partners. The therapist’s role is to stay neutral and create an atmosphere where open communication can thrive. The therapist will learn about you and your partner, your relationship history, and the goals you both have for marriage counseling.

This stage is all about decreasing the distress that couples are feeling. Part of how we do this in EFT couples counseling is by identifying the negative communication pattern you may be caught in. While there are more variations, the most common communication patterns couples experience are:

• criticize – defend (the high conflict pattern)
• pursue – withdraw (the “I’m doing this all on my own” pattern)
• withdraw – withdraw (the roommate pattern)

Once you can identify your communication pattern, the next step is to start identifying the core emotions leading you both to react to each other versus being able to respond to each other. By understanding what is leading to your own and your partner’s behaviors, you can start to change the pattern.

Stage 2: Restructuring Negative Patterns

Once the negative communication pattern is identified, the focus shifts to understanding the underlying causes of the pattern and how it functions. Couples learn to recognize their own emotional triggers, emotional responses, and underlying emotional vulnerabilities contributing to that cycle.

In this stage, the EFT therapist will help you turn to each other for emotional support, validation, and empathy. They will guide you to explore the deep-seated relationship fears that drive your behaviors. When you can identify your emotions, share them with your partner, and get support from your partner, this is called relational coping.

This stage helps couples understand each other on a deeper level and start developing a deeper emotional connection through mutual vulnerability. 

Additional Reading: Read more about Building Deeper Connections in Marriage: The Power of Vulnerability.

Over time, a new pattern involving relational coping is developed. As empathy and compassion for each other’s deeper feelings grow, couples start to replace negative cycles with positive cycles that lead to understanding and closer emotional connections. This pattern helps couples feel safe, comforted, accepted, understood, and emotionally close and connected.

Stage 3: Consolidating and Integrating New Patterns

This phase involves practicing the new communication patterns of vulnerable sharing and empathic responding. Couples experiment vulnerably going to each other and seeking comfort from one another. The therapist continues to guide and support the couple as needed while helping them refine their new communication skills. Throughout this process, couples continue to strengthen their emotional connection.

Both partners learn to use their new communication and relational coping skills to problem-solve any lingering concerns. These concerns could include things like your sex life, differences in parenting style or money management, or any other concerns still lingering. 

As the couple builds confidence to do this on their own, they get ready to end therapy. Ending marriage EFT couples therapy involves reflecting on the journey and celebrating the progress. The therapist makes sure you feel confident in your ability to keep using the new skills moving forward. While the therapy sessions may end, the tools gained during EFT couples counseling continue to help the couple build a strong relationship foundation and emotional connection.

EFT offers couples a path to healing, relationship repair, and connection by addressing the emotional challenges and needs in the relationship. The stages of this effective type of therapy help couples discover insights about each other, build empathy, and develop new communication skills. By de-escalating conflicts, restructuring negative patterns, and consolidating and integrating new patterns, couples can leave EFT couples therapy with a deeper understanding of each other and the skills needed to maintain a loving, secure relationship.

The Benefits You’ll Experience Post-EFT Couples Therapy

The length of time it takes to complete EFT depends on several factors, such as: complicating physical and mental health challenges, history of relationship betrayals and affairs, the level of experience of the marriage counselor, the frequency of sessions, and how long the couple waited to attend couples counseling. Generally speaking, it takes 1-2 years of weekly counseling for most couples to complete all three EFT stages.

After completing EFT for couples, you’ll notice some amazing changes in your relationship. This type of therapy is designed to help you and your partner build a secure attachment bond, improve your emotional health, and learn how to focus on emotions healthily and productively. Here’s what you can expect to achieve:

• Stronger Emotional Connection: You’ll develop a deeper understanding of your emotional experiences and how they influence your interactions with your partner. This leads to a more secure and intimate bond.
• Breaking Negative Patterns: EFT helps you recognize and break free from negative interaction patterns that might have been causing distress in your relationship. You’ll replace these with more positive, adaptive responses.
• Improved Emotional Regulation: You’ll gain valuable skills in managing difficult emotions, which not only strengthens your relationship but also boosts your overall mental health.
• Lasting Change: By addressing the core issues underlying relationship distress, EFT fosters long-term improvements, helping you build a more resilient and secure relationship.
• Enhanced Communication: You’ll learn to express your needs and understand your partner’s feelings better in your day-to-day life, leading to more effective and compassionate communication.
• Greater Sense of Security: EFT helps you and your partner create a secure base from which to explore and enjoy life together, making your relationship stronger and more satisfying.

By the end of EFT, you’ll feel more connected, emotionally secure, and ready to face life’s challenges together. Couples will enjoy an internal sense that they are a team and are there for each other. They will be able to confide in each other and share concerns more clearly and directly, as well as listen to each other with empathy. Couples end EFT couples therapy knowing how to provide validation and emotionally attune to each other; and their relationship is characterized by accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement.

Strengthen Your Relationship with Lasting Change: Start Your Journey with EFT at Communicate & Connect Counseling Today!

At Communicate & Connect Counseling, we understand that every relationship is unique, with its own set of challenges and emotional experiences. That’s why we specialize in providing Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, a proven approach to helping partners build stronger, more secure bonds. We believe that real change comes from addressing the core issues in your relationship, not just offering quick fixes that often fade over time.

Many modern solutions focus on surface-level communication tips, which might offer temporary relief but don’t address the underlying patterns that cause emotional disconnection. At Communicate & Connect, we take a different approach. Our couples and marriage counselors work closely with you to identify and understand the cycles of interaction that contribute to relationship distress. We focus on the emotional bonds between partners, helping you recognize the deeper feelings and attachment needs that drive your interactions.

Through EFT, we guide you in transforming these negative patterns into positive, adaptive responses. You’ll develop new communication and listening skills tailored to your unique relationship, fostering a secure attachment and a deeper emotional connection. Our approach is rooted in attachment theory and is designed to create lasting change by strengthening the secure bond between you and your partner.

Whether you’re dealing with anger, emotional isolation, or any form of emotional distress, our therapists are committed to supporting you every step of the way. We help you move beyond the immediate issues and work toward a healthier, more secure relationship that brings lasting joy and fulfillment to your life.

At Communicate & Connect Counseling, our goal is to help you and your partner create a strong, secure foundation for your relationship, so you can face life’s challenges together with confidence and love. Get in touch today!

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