May 11, 2020

5 things Couples Therapy Can Help With—Part 3: Loneliness

Man Sitting on the Mountain Edge

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​Did you miss Part 1 or Part 2? Clink the link to read more.

couple in the forest

Nothing is as painful as being alone in a relationship. To be in the same room with a partner who is supposed to love me, and still be alone, is excruciating.

This loneliness is often caused by emotional disconnection. Sometimes this is preceded by a lot of fighting until we both give up and shut down. Other times the emotional connection has eroded over time resulting in an emotional chasm between us.

​Oftentimes couples come see me in therapy wanting to learn communication skills in order to communicate better. While communication skills help you communicate better, what does it matter if you are communicating from different sides of the Grand Canyon? You end up communicating very clearing as you shout into the abyss between you.

While couple therapy can help you communicate better, it can do so much more. Instead of focusing on only on communication skills, couple therapy has the ability to help couples cross that chasm in order to be emotionally connected and close again.

couple in the mountains

This can be scary to hope for. If I am used to being separated from the one I love, even though I long to be with them, it can be terrifying to hope that we can have closeness again. It’s scary to risk trying to cross the chasm. Focusing only on communication skills is a band-aid to achieve some improvement without having to risk. Couples therapy can offer so much more than band-aid; it can create safety to risk crossing the chasm and find ways to regain closeness. You don’t have to be alone in your relationship.  

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    About Author

    Elizabeth Polinsky is a Certified Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist (EFT) providing EFT marriage counseling in the states of Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, Arkansas, and Nevada. She also provides EFT training and supervision to therapists looking to become certified in EFT Couple Therapy. As a military spouse, she has a special passion for working with military and veteran couples, and is also the host of The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships.

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