Navigating living overseas and OCONUS military life with Brianna Mendoza

Episode Summary of “Navigating living overseas and OCONUS military life with Brianna Mendoza”

Welcome to The Communicate & Connect Podcast! I’m your host, Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky. In today’s episode, we’re diving into the unique challenges and enriching experiences that come with living overseas and navigating OCONUS military life. Our special guest, Brianna Mendoza, brings her wealth of experience as a military spouse and graduate student in marriage and family therapy, specifically focusing on military therapy.

Brianna will share her journey of moving to Japan post-COVID, highlighting her adventures in nature hikes, traditional onsen visits, and connecting with locals through a dog café. We’ll discuss the critical importance of communication and coping mechanisms within relationships during such transitions, and how these experiences can strengthen family dynamics. Brianna also offers practical tips for military spouses, from preparation and research before the move to celebrating the unique opportunities of living abroad.

We’ll explore the logistical hurdles, such as housing adjustments, pet limitations, and strategic planning for overseas assignments, as well as stress management and support networks. Finally, we wrap up with reflections on personal growth and the profound impact of these experiences on relationships and family life.

Stay tuned for an insightful conversation packed with valuable advice and heartwarming encouragement for those embarking on their own Oconus journeys. Don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast, and check out our free ten-week relationship email course to enhance your communication and connection skills!

Guest Speaker Bio – Brianna Mendoza

Brianna Mendoza is a dedicated graduate student specializing in marriage and family therapy with a particular focus on serving the military community. Currently interning at the South Carolina VA health system, she is actively involved in establishing the first MFT cohort there. As a military spouse, Brianna has firsthand experience with the unique challenges faced by military families. She recently returned to the United States after spending several years living in Asia with her husband. Brianna’s passion for her field and her personal connection to the military community drive her commitment to support and improve the lives of military families.

Free Relationship Pattern Assessment

Many couples assume they have a communication problem when they’re actually stuck in a relationship pattern that keeps creating the same conflict.

Take the free Relationship Pattern Assessment to discover what pattern may be keeping you stuck and learn what to focus on next.

👉 https://pages.communicateandconnect.com/relationship-quiz

Episode Transcript for “Navigating living overseas and OCONUS military life with Brianna Mendoza”

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:00:01]:
This podcast is sponsored by Communicate and Connect Counseling, where we have a team of therapists who provide individual, couples, and family therapy services, all tailored to meet the needs of military and veteran families. To learn more about our services, visit www.communicateandconnect.com.

You’re listening to episode 57 on navigating living overseas and Oconus military life with Briana Mendoza. Hey, everyone. Welcome back. I am excited to have Brianna or Bree here to talk to us about living overseas and living outside of the continental us and what that’s like, because for many of us, I know myself, I’ve never done it. The idea is overwhelming, especially, I think, for people who have not done it before. So, Bree, maybe before we get going into this topic, you could just introduce yourself a little bit to help us know who you are.

Brianna Mendoza [00:01:19]:
Hi, I’m Brianna Mendoza. First off, thank you so much for having me on the podcast. And a little bit about me is I’m a. First off, I’m a graduate student studying marriage and family therapy, focusing on military. Military therapy for our military community. Currently, I’m in a process of interning at the South Carolina VA health system, where we’re trying to establish the first MFT cohort from there. As Liz mentioned, I am a military spouse. Recently, my husband and I just came back from overseas after a few years living in Asia, and now we’re back in the US.

Brianna Mendoza [00:02:04]:
So I’m super excited to definitely talk about as a spouse living in OcONUS and pretty much what to expect for other spouses who are interested in. Who are interested in going to Oconus. So. Yeah, definitely. So ready for this?

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:02:22]:
Yeah. Awesome. I’m excited for. I’m excited for this, too. So I know I’ve definitely heard people talk about, like, COnuS and OconuS, but I actually had to, like, look it up, and I was like, what on earth? When I first heard it. So we’re talking about living outside of the continental United States. And I know that can be a really broad range of potential places that somebody could live. And so you said you guys were somewhere in Asia?

Brianna Mendoza [00:02:56]:
Yep, we were in. We were in Japan, actually. My husband was in Korea during the pandemic, and then I met up with him in Japan. And so we lived out the rest of our time in Japan before we moved back to the US this year.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:03:15]:
Okay. Wow. So not only did you have to do, like, the long distance thing and very long distance, but also, like, moving to. You basically moved to Japan on your own, too. Like, you didn’t really have it wasn’t like you were together moving there.

Brianna Mendoza [00:03:33]:
Yeah, no. And it was also like, it was at that time, we were just slowly getting out of the pandemic. And so there was a lot of logistics, a lot of restrictions. When I left to, when I got to Japan, like, for example, when I was there at that time, I was one of the last few groups where you land in Japan and you had to take a bus to whatever base you’re going to. You could not take a train. You cannot take the airplane. You had to take the government bus all the way to your base. And then when you got there, then you’ll reunite with your spouse.

Brianna Mendoza [00:04:22]:
So basically, I was. It was a lot. It was definitely an experience. And just that experience, like, that first experience, I’m like, wow, this is gonna be really interesting transitioning from that. Not only from COVID but also like, wow, you’re here. You’re gonna start. You’re gonna navigate your life through Japan. And it not only goes for Japan, but it goes for all Okona spaces, that is, including Hawaii and Alaska.

Brianna Mendoza [00:04:57]:
So let’s. So to clarify, Oconus is anywhere outside of the 48 us states. And I don’t know why the military structured it, but Hawaii and Alaska, they’re considered overseas even though they’re part of the United States, basically. Yeah. And every Oconus base will have their standards and logistics that everyone has to follow. So. So if, for example, if you’re going to Asia, you wouldn’t fly out of, like, Seattle. Cause that’s, like, the main home port.

Brianna Mendoza [00:05:34]:
If you’re flying to Europe, you would have to go to, like, North Carolina, like in Charlotte, or you go up to Baltimore or Dover Air base for the military flight. So as spouse and opponents, like, you really have to think about all of the logistics and all of planning where you’re gonna live and all that. Once your spouse’s orders are dropped and you’re bound for a conus, then they give you a certain amount of time for you to plan and really think about, okay, how is your transition from the US to a CODIS?

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:06:19]:
Yeah. Wow. I’m just thinking, you know, regular PCs is hard, and then with a lot of logistics, and then not only are you dealing with more logistics, but you’re also doing it in the, like, post Covid time and by yourself. Like, wow. Wow is what I keep thinking.

Brianna Mendoza [00:06:42]:
And logistics can even go to, like, down to the nitty gritty, as simple as, like, are you going to take your car or not? Are you going to take your pets or not? Are you, and even, like, you’re looking at your house, like, am I going to take all these things, like, from my house? And if not, like, what am I going to part with? Obviously, like, prior to moving, you’re going to have your, you’re going to have spouses selling stuff or doing garage sales and whatnot. But even those tiny details really do matter when it comes to logistics and planning.

When you hit to Anakona space, and that’s a big tip that, well, that’s my first thing. The big tip that I would give to spouses is once you find out where you’re going in Oconus and you have that specific timeframe, really start thinking about, talk with your partner. Are you going to take your car? Are you going to take your pets? What are you, what are you bringing that is essential or non essential? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:07:56]:
That’s such a, you know, it’s such an interesting question because, like, our last move was from Virginia to Nevada and, you know, we, we drove, like, it wasn’t a question. Are we taking our cars?

Brianna Mendoza [00:08:09]:
Right.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:08:10]:
So what a unique extra thing to be thinking about is do we take pets and do we take cars and then how would we get them there? Yes. And I’m thinking about, I’m also thinking about housing because I know there are a few different bases in Japan, but we had a friend who just went to Japan, and one of the things they were talking about is there really wasn’t for them where they were going.

There wasn’t off base housing. It’s like, only on base housing, which I know tons of people do on base housing, but we have always lived off base. So, like, the idea of how would I even navigate on base housing? Feels like a totally different world from what I’m used to trying to figure out.

Brianna Mendoza [00:09:02]:
Oh, man. And that is something a lot of people don’t really think about is housing, too. Like you said, you really take advantage of living off base, taking that privilege. But when you get to OcONUS, there are bases where off base is limited and you’re only available choices. Living on base. With my experience in Japan, my husband had the privilege of living off base. However, when we, when I came, the, his commander said we needed to move on base, like, families would have to move on base. But the, the active duty or single, single personnel who did not have family members, they can live off base.

Brianna Mendoza [00:09:57]:
Now that it’s. Yeah, now it’s changed. Now some bases are allowing families to move on base. I mean, off base, however, that is something to think about. Too. Like when we, during a short time living in our off base housing, like we had like a 3000 square foot home, multiple rooms, two story. And then when we move on base we, we moved to a 1300 foot town path. And so it was a really, I mean we managed to make it work but it was really tough.

Brianna Mendoza [00:10:36]:
Like we had to sacrifice space. We had to sacrifice space for not only us rooms, we. For our pets too. Like, yeah, it was a really tough on us but we managed to make it work though.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:10:55]:
Yeah. I was just thinking that’s significant downsizing, right? Yeah. When you first said, you know, what, what are you going to take with you? Like, you know, I think when it’s a normal PCs, everybody downsizes some. It’s like oh, I have these clothes that don’t fit anymore. They can go to Goodwill and you know, but that’s a significant, that’s like we don’t really need these couches. We don’t need our like this whole entire guest bedroom set or. Yeah, it’s like getting rid of significant amount of stuff to downsize that way. Yeah.

Brianna Mendoza [00:11:33]:
And even too, like I mean I’ve had several spouse, spouses that are, I connected with in Japan and they were telling me like you, I’m so glad we live off base because we have the space. If not then like our couch can barely fit our living room because of how the house short or how much footage we lost in our, compared to our old home. So those little things, it’s factors to definitely consider on base and just living overseas in general.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:12:18]:
Yes. Yeah. And I’m also thinking about pet limitations. We are in such a rural location here that we had to do the whole overseas screening process even though we’re not overseas just because we’re in a really rural location and we had thought about living on base, but there were pet limitations. Like you could only have two pets and we have three pets. And I’m thinking that sort of thing probably is also something to consider if you’re a, if you’re going overseas or.

Brianna Mendoza [00:12:55]:
Yeah. So as far as the pet limitation, generally the rule of thumb is two pets or below is good. If you want to have a third pet you would have to get what’s called an exception to policy letter. So an ETP, that’s basically a approval from your leadership that we’re allowed to have pets on base.

And the main reason is because for traveling purposes, so especially for Oconus, if you’re taking your pets with you, my best tip is the minute you have your, not the orders that are, like, online, but the hard physical copies of your orders, making a. Make a reservation with your airline as soon as possible, because pet spots are very limited on military flights. Like, for us, we almost had to stay an extra month in Japan because the flights come, leaving Japan to Seattle were so limited due to pet space. And so it’s almost.

Brianna Mendoza [00:14:13]:
It was like a dog fight that we had to. We really had to fight for our spot. And we’ve seen instances where those who are living, who are leaving the base already said they have their paperwork and went on they couldn’t leave because they missed a certain step or they’re missing a certain paperwork.

You as spouses, like, it is a big. Obviously, it is a big stress for you and your partner and your family, but even as little as that, like, be proactive and make sure, like, before you’re leaving, have everything set. Like, you have a checklist that every active duty member has before leaving. So it’s bad. Like, my husband and I just went through every checklist.

Brianna Mendoza [00:15:03]:
Like, we were. We were paranoid. Like, we even had to take our pets to the airport and do, like, a crate fitting and make sure that everything is set so when we leave, we don’t have any issues leaving. So it’s the added. It’s those little steps, the added extra steps that start to create the stress and start to feel overwhelmed. And obviously, when you’re. When you as a spouse are overwhelmed, it goes like, you get that feeling from your spouse, too. Like, oh, my gosh, I’m overwhelmed, too.

Brianna Mendoza [00:15:41]:
So it’s. It’s best to plan in advance. And the closer that, to the dates that you’re leaving, double check, triple check. It does not hurt to call. You have resources, the facilities there, to ensure that every once travel day hits, you can leave smoothly. So, yeah, that’s another big tip. I I do tell, um, spouses, whenever we’re talking about leaving Oconus or heading into Oconus, you’re gonna get every oconus has. They have their list of, for example, for pets.

Brianna Mendoza [00:16:24]:
Like, what do you need, for example, you need to have. It’s best to have your pet registered on base, the current base that you’re at, so that they’re in the records. And also, you need to have the microchip so that when you get to your. When you get to your new base, you just register them at the vet clinic. You’re already put up in the system. And for us, we like it because it’s convenient. We can get all our. All our pets records are on there.

Brianna Mendoza [00:16:52]:
Just for record keeping. And you don’t have to, like, if you’re going to, like, a civilian or an off based clinic, like, you’re going to have to get those records, too, and all that, like.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:17:04]:
And transfer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brianna Mendoza [00:17:07]:
So just that added, you have to find ways to relieve those, like, little extra stresses. Make it simple. Exactly, exactly.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:17:20]:
Yeah, yeah. I think that’s really what I’m taking in, as I hear you sharing about this, is how much to really stay organized and be proactive and double and triple check and to somehow try to find ways to make it easier, because, like, I’m just thinking, like, if I get rid of a bunch of stuff that’s easier, like what? Anything that would make it easy, because it’s going to be so much extra stress to do.

Brianna Mendoza [00:17:52]:
Right, right. And like I said, that when you. When you’re stressed, your partner feels stressed, and you’re going to make everyone feel stressed. And living in a conus, you. You just have so many external factors that is not under your control. And oftentimes, like, we’ve seen spouses where they would break down or the partner breaks down, too. Being very honest, it’s not easy living in Oconus. Your family’s not there.

Brianna Mendoza [00:18:33]:
The culture is different, the language is different, the custom is different. And so oftentimes we’ve seen people who come to an econus base, and they just stay within the base because it’s familiar to them. They don’t need to interact with the local people. They don’t need to, you know, that additional stress.

But on the flip side, we’ve had so many people were so excited to go live in Oconus, and they loved it. They loved the culture, the food, the people, the language. And oftentimes, they would extend their time in Okonas before moving back. And I think it’s something to be said that when you’re living in Oconus, it’s all about your experience and how you and your partner or your family, how you guys make of it.

Brianna Mendoza [00:19:39]:
Because at the end of the day, from day one, when you get to the Ocona space, to day, I don’t know, you get. And you leave. Then you start to have these, like, I want to. I want. I don’t want to say regrets, but start to have, like, these doubts, like, oh, man, we should have done this, or we should have taken advantage of this.

And, man, like, I was so happy being here. Now we’re back here in the states and whatnot, so those. Those things just run through your head and you really, like I said, it’s really based on experience because the active duty member will, obviously, that’s their work and they’re going to have their, their thing, too.

Brianna Mendoza [00:20:32]:
But also as a spouse, like, do take advantage. Do take advantage of the resources that are there for you as well as don’t be afraid to try new experiences. And the beauty of it is you learn to appreciate the culture, the country, you learn to appreciate how much you have in the US. And that is, and that’s one of the biggest things is not many. When you come back to the US, you realize, like, wow, I can’t believe I had this, this much freedom or this much space or, like, I can take advantage without having, like, restrictions or whatnot. So. Yeah. Wholly based on experience.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:21:23]:
Yeah. And I think what I’m taking is people can have drastically different experiences. And if your experience is really rough, there are resources to help with that. And then what I’m hearing will also help is if you specifically look for the opportunities that you have being overseas and being able to experience something new and different that you wouldn’t get to experience if you were just in the US.

Brianna Mendoza [00:21:58]:
Right. For example, one of our best experiences was my husband and I got to go to, like, nature hikes, nature trails in Japan. We got to try a traditional, the traditional onsen, like, traditional hot springs. And when we had our, even when we had our dogs, like, we, we had such a really good relationship with the, we had our, like, our local dog cafe that serves as a cafe, a hotel, and so we would just drop our dogs there. They had a really, like, we bonded with people, with the locals so much that oftentimes we were like, man, we do.

We still think about them today and we still talk about them. We, and we, whenever spouse, active duty members or spouses, like, when they come and talk to us, like, and if they’re going to Japan, like, we promote them because they, they really changed our perspective and, like, coming here, like, we don’t, like, we don’t have that luxury anymore. So it’s, we have to rebuild coming back to the US.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:23:17]:
Yeah.

Brianna Mendoza [00:23:18]:
Yeah.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:23:19]:
So I, I’m thinking, like, we’re talking a little bit about, like, how it can be, like, the impact that it can have on spouses. Some people, it’s really rough. Some people, it’s amazing. And, but I’m thinking, you know, you mentioned it a few times, like, like, if one person is really stressed, it impacts the relationship and the whole sort of family dynamic we feed off of each other.

And I’m thinking that would be the case not just with the stress of the move, but if I am hating where I’m living, that’s going to have an impact on my relationship versus if we’re somehow finding these opportunities to explore together, that might have a very different impact on my relationship. So I’m curious if you have any thoughts on that.

Brianna Mendoza [00:24:12]:
Yeah, no, definitely. When you made a great point when you talk about stresses and people feeding off of each other. So it’s one thing that as a spouse, if, like you said, if you hate where you’re living at the, you can express that to your partner. However, you also have to think on the other side too.

Like, your partner has very limited choices on changing jobs. So. And do you want your spouse, like, you want to make sure that your spouse is, like, in a good place to where, like, he is able to complete his job and come home at the end of the day. And having that stress can really impact the work ethic.

Brianna Mendoza [00:24:59]:
It can impact how communication, the dynamics. And so you, and you have to take that time to understand where you’re coming from. This is where communication comes in so important. It’s very, it’s critical to have communication and express how you’re feeling, express what your partner is feeling and find a way to find that little positive and that negative experience, because it will you, when you leave Oconus, you will have a better understanding you have.

Your relationship with your partner is a lot stronger. I wouldn’t say you want to feel invincible, but you can. Navigating a conus and the military life might be a little bit easier rather than not having that experience and not experiencing those negative situations.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:26:06]:
Yeah, if I’m following you, let me just make sure I’m following you. It’s sort of like if we are going through this together, we can see it as an opportunity to practice being a team, sort of, and to work on our communication and to handle this as a team together. And then as we handle it, it will also make us feel like an even stronger relationship because we just navigated something so different together.

Brianna Mendoza [00:26:39]:
Right, right. And your, like, the experiences that you both create together will have a, for me, if you would have, like, a stronger relationship moving forward and you, and it’s, and it builds positivity and not only with your partner, but with other people, the way you communicate and the way you interact and build relationships that way as well. So not only goes beyond just with a partner, but also, like, your different networks to your kids, to your family, other family members, to people, co workers, whatnot.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:27:21]:
Mm hmm. Yeah. As you’re talking about that, I’m thinking about how important it would be to be really clear about what I’m looking for. Like, if I’m having a hard time, I do sort of have to have some acceptance that my partner can’t just get a different job. So then it might be really important for me to be clear, like, I just need you to understand this or I just need emotional support, or I just need you to hug me because it’s rough today or something like that.

Brianna Mendoza [00:27:56]:
Yeah. I mean, from my experience, there were so many times where I would have to take a little bit more weight off my husband because he was having a bad day or there are times where, like, I wasn’t at my best and my husband had to pick up the rest of the pieces.

So it’s, it’s not, it’s not all flowers and butterflies and this perfect world and alconus. No. There’s gonna be days where it’s stormy, it’s rainy and you. And it’s okay. It’s okay to feel, to have those feelings because other spouses will have those feelings as well. And it just depends on the couple and the individual and how you go about it.

Brianna Mendoza [00:28:47]:
If you want to continue to have on this negative maladaptive behavior trend that’s on you, or if you want to create that change and find something positive that makes you happy or your partner happy, that’s on YouTube. So like I said, it’s really on experience and how both of you can handle the external forces.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:29:15]:
Living in Oklahoma, I think what you’re saying is, yes, there are times that are going to suck and if we just are only focusing on the negative, it’s all just going to be negative versus if we can kind of acknowledge, yes, this is hard and support each other, but then try to be proactive around how can we make this the most positive it can be that will help.

Brianna Mendoza [00:29:43]:
Definitely, fully agree with you on that.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:29:46]:
Yeah. Okay, great. Well, I’m wondering if you have kind of any other tips for either spouses or couples who are just navigating living okonas and military life. Overdose sees.

Brianna Mendoza [00:30:01]:
Oh, wow.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:30:05]:
Yeah.

Brianna Mendoza [00:30:05]:
I can give a million spouses, like, I can give a million tips on not only for spouses and but for the couples.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:30:16]:
Well, we can start with spouses if you want, and then we can transition to couples.

Brianna Mendoza [00:30:20]:
Okay, so my biggest tip, let’s say in a perfect world, you find out that your spouse is moment to O’Connus. Enjoy it, celebrate it. Like, that’s my first tip. Like, embrace the new change, because oftentimes, like, the active duty member finds out that they’re going Oconus, they’re so excited.

And then the spouse is like, oh, I don’t know how you feel about it, and it’s like you don’t want to, you don’t want to, like, ruin the, like, the excitement and whatnot. Acknowledge it and embrace it. And if you have any concerns on that table, on the table, talk to, talk to your spouse about it. And, and it’s important to lay out those concerns before, prior to leaving the US.

Brianna Mendoza [00:31:17]:
And when you get to, and like I said, in the planning phases, as the days get closer, like, it’s, for me, it was like a roller coaster. There’s just so much, so many things happening. And the one thing I would love to, the biggest step with spouses is don’t feel like, oh, my goodness, I’m the only one experiencing this. I’m the only one who are, who has these, like, negative feelings because there are some spouses, too, who may have, who may have the same experience or who may experience something similar to you.

And when you get there, it’s okay to connect, connect, connect, connect, please. That I cannot say I connect with other spouses. Prior to, like, part of me and my, like, I’m leaving. I was leaving home.

Brianna Mendoza [00:32:14]:
I, I mean, I kind of had a, it took me a little bit because I, I didn’t really know what I was getting into as a spouse. And it’s weird transitioning from, like, a military, like a military kid, a brat to a spouse. And it took me a while to find, like, all these Facebook pages that have, like, to connect with spouses or to find all these, like, Facebook pages that are related to the base.

So when I got to, when I got to Japan, like, I was so lost. Like, what am I doing here? How am I going to navigate this? And so, like, my husband had to guide me. And then, and as you go along your okonas journey, like, you’re going to find stuff to do, like, on the Internet research, too. It’s important to research where you’re going. Like, you really have to prepare yourself some.

Brianna Mendoza [00:33:14]:
There’s a misconception where it’s like, okay, I’ll just figure out when I get to, when I get to the base, I’ll figure it out. Well, when you get to the base, like, how can you actually figure out, because you’re so overwhelmed with everything and you don’t know where to start. So those are my biggest tips for spouses, is relax. Don’t rush into the process and embrace the journey. Acknowledge it, communicate and take advantage. Take advantage. Like, I’m always telling other spouses who are going to Oconus, like, you are going to another country, and not many people have that advantage or not many people have that opportunity.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:34:00]:
Yeah.

Brianna Mendoza [00:34:01]:
And I, and so, like, I really, for me, like, I have to drill it in their head. Like, take advantage and enjoy, reflect, because it’s all a journey and, and the, and I have to do, like, a reality check. Like, it’s, everything is temporary. You’re not, you’re not going to stay in Oconus for 20 something years, entire career. No. Like, every time is so precious and it goes by so quick that by the time that you leave, it’s like, oh, man, I didn’t get to do as much as I wanted to do.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:34:43]:
Yeah.

Brianna Mendoza [00:34:44]:
Yeah.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:34:45]:
I’m hearing, like, really try to squeeze as much out of it, out of the experience as you can.

Brianna Mendoza [00:34:51]:
Yes. Like I said, you’re, you’re, when you’re no conus, you’re kind of, you’re not on a time limit, but kind of are on a time limit unless your spouse, you and your spouse love it so much and you extend. But then again, they only give a very limited amount of extensions before, like, you have to get out and you have to move to another base.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:35:13]:
Yeah. And so, so these were your tips for spouses. Did you have, and I know you had a million. So tell us your tips for couples who are navigating this together.

Brianna Mendoza [00:35:24]:
Yeah, for couples. Okay. As it’s very similar to spouses, but recognize, like, recognize that this is a new chapter in, in navigating, like, your life as a couple, because like I said, time is limited. And once you close that chapter, you move on.

As well as communication. I cannot stress the importance of how, of communication because at the end of the day, if you don’t have any family members to rely on, you don’t have any friends to rely on who you’re, it’s you and your partner or you like or your family. So it’s important to express what you’re feeling, regardless if it’s good, bad, ugly. Like, you need to have this sense of you are in a good place regardless of all these external factors, regardless of you being a con.

Brianna Mendoza [00:36:26]:
Another tip is support. Support each other. So from the active duty, like, remember, if your spouse wants to do an activity with other spouses, let them do it. Or if they want to go on a trip, let them do. Let them do it. And it’s reversed for the spouse, too. If the active duty member needs to do another assignment that’s outside of the outside of OcOnUS and they don’t have a choice to do it. But all you have to do is support as well as take the time to know your surroundings, know the people that you’re going to be with.

Brianna Mendoza [00:37:10]:
Even if it’s coworkers, even if it’s the spouses, even if it’s like the local people take advantage. And I’ve always want to stress that, like, when you, for a military couple, you are one, you’re not higher. Like, no one is higher over the other, no one is better or the other. You are in unison and you are experiencing things together.

So you work as a team, you work to navigate living on a conus, and you build that experience so that when you come back to the US, you have a greater sense of appreciation, you have a greater sense of, hey, I can do this. I. Confidence, confidence opportunities. And yeah, my last thing is have fun.

Brianna Mendoza [00:38:03]:
Have fun while you’re out there in Oconus. Like, if you want to go try the local foods, go for it. If you want to go to, like, nature hugs, go for it. Like, time is precious and you just like, like we’ve stressed before school, you had, you have to squeeze as much time that’s given. And because, like, that, you could, you would leave, like, very soon. In the air force, there’s a time limit. Like, maybe at most two or three years. And some people think it’s a lot of time, but it can go by fast.

Brianna Mendoza [00:38:42]:
It can go by so fast. Like, I mean, if you’re there for like two years, you don’t really have that much time to really learn about the culture or learn about the language because you’re there and then you gotta go. Yeah, unless, like I said, unless you extend. So, yeah, those are some tips, like, for the couples.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:39:01]:
I think that’s what I’m going to be taking away is that, yes, there can be some struggles and make the most out of it. Have fun. Be proactive about trying to get the most out of the experience.

Brianna Mendoza [00:39:18]:
Yes. Yeah, definitely.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:39:20]:
Well, Brianna, thank you. And Bree. Sorry, I know you go by Brian. Bri, it’s okay. Yeah, but I was thinking. I was thinking, how can people find you? And I was thinking they’re going to have to find you as Brianna. So, yeah. Can you share? Like, if somebody wanted to connect with you, how could they do that?

Brianna Mendoza [00:39:39]:
Okay, so we’ll start with the social media. The social media handles. So on Facebook, you can find me as Brianna Mendoza on Facebook and then on LinkedIn. It’s the same thing. Brianna Mendoza. You can just search up my name and then for email. If you feel free to email me about anything about spouse life, anything with OCONUS and whatnot, you can email me at fajardo.

Brianna Mendoza [00:40:11]:
fajardo_brianna@yahoo.com

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:40:17]:
Okay, great. Wonderful. Thank you. Thank you for offering that to the listeners because I’m thinking, yeah, I’m imagining it is stressful, especially the first time, so you might have people reaching out, asking you questions.

Brianna Mendoza [00:40:33]:
That’s fine. I love to help out spouses. I love to help out people. Navigating the military life because it is scary. It is like it’s overwhelming. It’s a new thing. But I’m always telling people that there’s nothing to be scared of. Everyone who enters the military life starts somewhere.

Brianna Mendoza [00:40:55]:
It will get rocky. It is rocky at first, but once you find your groove and your routine, it will smooth out and will be better. It will be better. I promise.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:41:07]:
Yeah. Well, Bree, thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Brianna Mendoza [00:41:11]:
Awesome. Thank you so much.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:41:21]:
I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. If so, please take a second to go rate, review and subscribe so you get all of our future episodes. Make sure to check out the show notes to sign up for our free ten week relationship email course.

This email course is really designed for people who are maybe having trouble with communication or connection in their relationship and helping them develop some quick wins right away to start improving it. While I am a therapist, this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not considered therapy and it should also not be a replacement for therapy. If you think you need a professional of any kind, you should definitely go find one. Until next time.