How to improve intimacy in a relationship with Chloe Mascord

Episode Summary of “How to improve intimacy in a relationship with Chloe Mascord”

In this engaging episode of The Communicate & Connect Podcast, host Elizabeth Polinsky welcomes intimacy expert Chloe Mascord to the show, where they dive deep into the intricacies of nurturing intimacy within relationships, with a special focus on the unique dynamics faced by military couples. Chloe, renowned for her expertise in the field, discusses the common challenges and misconceptions surrounding intimacy, emphasizing the crucial distinction between intimacy and sex and the need for emotional closeness for a fulfilling intimate life.

Throughout the episode, Chloe offers a wealth of practical tips and strategies to help couples reignite the spark in their relationships, even when faced with hectic schedules and stress. They explore the impact of individual and external factors like stress and body image on intimacy and offer insights into building a positive, connected partnership. Chloe also highlights the power of mindful communication and the transformative effects of simple habits, such as scheduled quality time and thoughtful gestures, in fostering deeper connections.

Listeners will gain valuable advice on strengthening their relationships, ensuring intimacy is not only maintained but thrives amidst life’s challenges. Whether you’re a military couple navigating deployment separations or simply looking to enhance your relationship, this episode is packed with actionable insights to help you and your partner connect more deeply. Tune in to discover how to create a more intimate and connected relationship that withstands the test of time.

So, tune in for an episode packed with valuable insights and actionable advice to help make your relationship stronger than ever.

Guest Speaker Bio – “Chloe Mascord”

Chloe Mascord is a distinguished intimacy expert and speaker who has dedicated her career to empowering time-poor women in long-term relationships. Recognizing the common challenge of fading passion, Chloe’s work focuses on reigniting the romantic spark that may have dimmed over time. Her expertise caters to women who, whether in long-distance relationships or sharing daily life with their partners, seek to reinvigorate their intimate connections.

Central to Chloe’s approach is her popular podcast, where she shares concise, actionable intimacy tips tailored for women who juggle busy lives yet long for vibrant, fulfilling relationships. Each episode is designed to transform lackluster romantic dynamics into thriving partnerships, with practical advice that can be implemented in under 15 minutes. Chloe’s holistic and relatable methods have not only resonated with countless women but have empowered them to revitalized and deeply satisfying intimate lives. Her work continues to inspire and guide women on their journey to rediscover passion and connection in their relationships.

Click here to visit her website and connect with her on instagram here.

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Episode Transcript for “How to improve intimacy in a relationship with Chloe Mascord”

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:00:02]:

This podcast is sponsored by Communicate and Connect Counseling, where we have a team of therapists who provide individual, couples, and family therapy services, all tailored to meet the needs of military and veteran families. To learn more about our services, visit www.communicateandconnect.com.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:00:28]:

Welcome to the Communicate and Connect podcast for Milit Relationships with your host, Elizabeth Polinsky, a military marriage counselor. If this is your first time listening to the Communicate and Connect podcast, please take a second to go, rate, review and subscribe to make sure you get all our future episodes. We also really want to know what it is you love about our podcast. And if for some reason you’re not loving it, we want to know that too, because we’re committed to providing the best quality content to help you improve your relationships.

Chloe Mascord [00:00:58]:

Foreign.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:01:03]:

You’Re listening to episode 61, how to Improve Intimacy in a Relationship with Chloe Mascord. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Communicate and Connect podcast. We have an intimacy expert today, Chloe Mascord. And I’m really excited to have her share really some like tips for how couples, and military couples specifically, can work on improving intimacy in their relationship. So, Chloe, welcome. Thanks for being here.

Chloe Mascord [00:01:38]:

Thank you so much for having me. I’m very excited to be a part of this conversation.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:01:42]:

Yeah, yeah, me too. Maybe you could just start off and, and help us get to know you a little bit and sort of like the things that you do as an intimacy expert.

Chloe Mascord [00:01:53]:

Yeah, absolutely. So as you mentioned, I’m an intimacy expert and speaker and I help time poor women, which is most of us who are in long term relationships that feel like their intimate life has gotten a little bit stale and they really want to reignite that spark with their partner no matter how that relationship looks, whether or not they’ve got a long distance dynamic or whether or not they’re spending most of their time with their partner.

And so I have a podcast that I love to create these bite sized intimacy tips for the time poor women so that they can move from this unsatisfying to a thriving intimate life in less than 15 minutes, which is just little samples and snippets that you can apply these tips to in your life and still get the outcome that you want in your dynamic in your relationship.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:02:51]:

Yeah. Oh great. And can you, can you just repeat the name of the podcast so if anybody wants to go listen, they could go find it?

Chloe Mascord [00:02:58]:

Absolutely. So the podcast is called Honey-Ed Intimacy Made Easy.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:03:05]:

Okay. All right, great. And there will be links in the show notes if anyone wants to go find that. I loved this idea of time poor. Because when I’m thinking about military life, there are so many. I know this is the case for, for every. Everybody is time poor probably these days. But I think it’s especially the in.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:03:30]:

In military life because so often like the, this, the military spouse is taking on roles really for, for two partners in the household when the military service member is either gone on workups or deployments or something like that. And, and there’s all of a sudden so much more on somebody’s plate. So I, I’m excited to, to hear about, about that.

Chloe Mascord [00:04:00]:

Yeah, it’s like single parent life or even just running a household by yourself when you’re. Your partner’s away, which can be, you know, one extreme to the other. One minute you’ve got the support and the help there, and it’s, you know, many hands make light work and then the next minute they’re off and it’s all on you to do so. I really like to take that into consideration when offering some strategies for people in relationships.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:04:28]:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I’m thinking. Well, I’m thinking like what, what are some of the most common concerns that couples have or that your clients have around intimacy? And how do, how do you go about kind of addressing those?

Rethinking Intimacy and Relationship Expectations

Chloe Mascord [00:04:46]:

Yeah, absolutely. So I think there’s this really common belief that intimacy and even sex should be really spontaneous and effortless. I guess there’s this expectation that it’s going to look like something out of a movie. And so what happens is my clients will often start my online program thinking that they’re not having this, you know, passionate sex every time that they’re intimate together and that something must be wrong with them or their relationship.

But the thing is that even the best relationships go through these phases where intimacy and sex can feel a little bit, maybe clunky or awkward in particular if there’s been some distance between the couple and then they’re coming back together. And that’s perfectly normal for that to ebb and flow. The other thing that can often come up is that intimacy is just about sex. So it’s a lot broader than that.

Chloe Mascord [00:05:49]:

Intimacy is about the connection and trust and emotional closeness that we can experience in a relationship and being able to share these vulnerabilities and feelings with our partner. And what I do is I help clients understand that intimacy can happen in so many different ways. And that can be holding hands, it can be having a laugh together or even a deep conversation. So it’s really nice to get that clear in the beginning is that there is a difference between Sex and intimacy.

And I call myself an intimacy expert, but that’s because it goes further than just that. And it’s important that we consider both when we’re talking about a healthy relationship. The other, I guess, is more of a misconception about sex is that men want sex more than women, which is very typical. And that desire isn’t really dictated by gender.

Boosting Women’s Sexual Desire Naturally

Chloe Mascord [00:06:50]:

It’s a really complex interplay of things like stress and self esteem and physical health and also the quality of the relationship. And sometimes those certain things are more important for one partner than the other. And in fact, I often find that women may desire sex less because they don’t like the quality of the sex that they’re actually having.

So if we can work on improving that and helping women enjoy their intimacy with their partner, and then we can look at how that can create more desire for the quantity, which is, which is really great because I think they come in to me feeling like they’ve kind of given up and that they’ve lost hope and that there’s no way that they can feel that desire for intimacy with their partner again. And so those are really important things that I think is good to address in the beginning of when we’re having these types of conversations.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:07:56]:

Yeah, I really, I think a couple of things stood out to me when you were, were sharing just now that sex has kind of this idea that sex has to be worth having to want to have it. And it’s, it seems obvious, but. But then again, it’s, it’s kind of not in, in the same way or at the same time. And that part of what sex for just sex can, can maybe be like a stress relief or something like that, but it’s not very, it’s not very connective.

What I’m hearing you say is sort of if we take it further, if we help couples have emotional intimacy while they also have sex, that can help it make sex worth having and make the quality improve. So. And if the quality is better than quantity might also increase.

Chloe Mascord [00:08:52]:

Absolutely. And I think, you know, where I’m so passionate about this space is that we’re not taught this. You know, we’re not. When we’re taught about sex, we’re taught about it in a lot less of an intimate way. We’re taught about it in more of a transactional way or more of a clinical setting. And so, you know, as we grow up, I think we start to realize that there’s more to it. And we find ourselves in this space where we’re. The identity that we had or the association that we had with sex doesn’t really fit anymore.

Chloe Mascord [00:09:28]:

And now we’re seeking something deeper, and we’re seeking this connection with our partner on a deeper level. And what’s. What’s uncomfortable about that is it’s a bit of a. A difficult space because we don’t really know where to go. But what I like to reaffirm to people is that it’s a really cool opportunity for us to have a deeper level of connection with our partner when we start to bring in more intimacy into the equation, because then it can. We can have that connection on a deeper level than we’ve had before. So it’s more of an opportunity than something that feels like it’s a problem.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:10:11]:

Yeah. Yeah. And you also mentioned stress. And I was just thinking stress is. Well, I mean. I mean, it’s. I guess I’m just thinking it’s huge. I’m thinking about all the times that I feel stressed, which is very high in my life.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:10:29]:

And then it gets so much higher. If there’s something going on, like a military move in, relocation, or if my husband is traveling, even if it’s not for deployment, even if he’s just gone for a week or two, I. I feel it all on me when he’s. When he’s gone, things that seem. Seem so simple, like just like, taking care of our pets, that it feels so much more intense because he’s not there. And I just am thinking that could make it hard for. For a lot of people to. To want to have sex.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:11:08]:

Well, I guess I’m thinking of two things. There’s like, this group that is maybe, like, sex is a stress reliever, and then it could become transactional somehow. And then other times where it’s like, stress means I don’t want any sex at all.

Chloe Mascord [00:11:24]:

Absolutely. And everyone’s different. Sometimes people lean into sex when they are stressed, and then other people, it shuts down that part of them. One thing I want to preface is I’ve personally experienced being on the receiving end of somebody who has had low libido. And then I’ve also experienced it, and both for very different reasons. But my partner was experiencing low libido at the time because he was highly stressed and he was unable to get into his body. He was. There was a lot going on in his head.

Stress and Conflict Impacting Intimacy

Chloe Mascord [00:11:59]:

And so because of that detachment from his body, he just wasn’t feeling it. He wasn’t feeling that sexual desire. And then for me, when I was experiencing a lack of desire or low libido for Those who understand it, I was experiencing that because of unresolved conflict in the relationship, which I’m sure would be relevant to your audience. I know probably not something people talk about, but, you know, you can imagine if they’ve just gone through a difficult time in their relationship and it doesn’t feel like they’ve really resolved the problem.

And then maybe there’s deployment or travel and they’re, you know, there’s this feeling of like, well, we haven’t, we’re not on a really good, good terms in our relationship. And, and that’s hard because both are stress inducing, but for different reasons. And there’s so many things that can increase stress, but. And that can take a toll on intimacy too.

Chloe Mascord [00:12:58]:

And the body’s natural response to stress is to shift into survival mode. So your brain is more focused on keeping you safe rather than feeling sexy. Except for the. Some people that, that’s, you know, more of that increases desire, but. But not normally the case. And anxiety can work in a similar way. You’re mind’s racing with worry. You know, is my partner safe? You’re constantly on edge.

Mindfulness Techniques for Enhancing Intimacy

Chloe Mascord [00:13:26]:

You know, it’s difficult to be present and relaxed and to enjoy intimacy even if you are in the same space. And that can be frustrating. And so when you’re frustrated, it can make it even harder to reconnect and it can kind of send you on a little bit of a spiral. So what I like to do is encourage my clients to practice mindfulness.

Whether that’s through meditation, breathing, just taking a few moments each day to check in with their bodies, journaling, they really do help create a sense of, you know, stopping, slowing down, even if it’s just a couple of moments to create this sense of calm and connection, which is really the key to rekindling this desire or allowing the body an opportunity to catch up.

Because the minds, you know, 100 miles an hour and creating space in the relationship for intentional time for intimacy, even if it doesn’t lead to sex. So by. I’m a huge advocate for scheduling these sessions so putting them in the calendar where you can and having that time together where you’re able to have maybe an uninterrupted conversation even.

Chloe Mascord [00:14:40]:

And you’re not putting the pressure of being intimate into that space, but you’re just creating this space where both partners can feel a lot more emotionally safe and then open to seeing if intimacy or sex comes from that. But when you’re creating this protected space, it allows the body to calm and go, okay, all right, I don’t need to anticipate what’s going to happen next. It’s just a neutral space for the couple to just see what happens.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:15:12]:

Yeah, I think I’m hearing like there are skills that people can practice individually and then also things that they can practice with their partner that kind of go hand in hand that get. Helping my own brain and nervous system and body be able to be in the present moment is something that I think people have to practice individually. Right.

They have to journal, they have to get themselves to pause, they have to be self reflective on their, their own experience to, to be in the present moment, but then also somehow be in the present moment with my partner. And so I’m liking these, this recommendation, I guess, of, of scheduling time to just be present with each other and together and that when we’re both just present, there’s more, more room for that emotional intimacy, but then also more like openings for physical intimacy to occur.

Chloe Mascord [00:16:20]:

Yeah, absolutely. And this is what I love about the podcast that I do is that I, you know, I share like 15 habits that are blocking intimacy, connection in your relationship and things like that where it’s just little things that you might not even realize that you’re doing or playing out in your relationship that might actually be hindering the intimacy that might be.

For example, you know, you think sitting at the dinner table with your phone face down is, oh, well, my phone’s face down. You know, I’m not looking at my phone. But your phone’s still being in the area. For some people, that doesn’t give their body an opportunity to relax and go. Even though they’re not maybe looking at their screen, it still feels like they’re not fully present with me. And that actually does hinder intimacy.

Gratitude Bedtime Routine for Couples

Chloe Mascord [00:17:09]:

Another, another one is going to bed at different times. Now, I know sometimes that’s unavoidable, but when you get into this pattern of going to bed at different times, you’re actually, you know, missing this opportunity to have a little cuddle or connection or a moment to say, you know, what is it today that you might be grateful for? And it might be the littlest thing.

And my partner and I, you know, have adjusted our different bedtimes. But what we’ve started to do is even if one of us is going to bed early, the other one will come in, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes and lay together. And we would just say one thing that we’re grateful for from the other person so that even if we’re not going to bed at the same Time. We’re still actually having that opportunity to connect, because going to bed in a place where you’re connected, even though it might seem minor, is.

It’s a really beautiful way to end the day and then to wake up, you know, the next day, morning, and going, you know, that was a beautiful way where I felt appreciated and seen and heard and understood by my partner.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:18:17]:

Yeah, I love that. It makes me feel, like, gooey on the inside. Talk about it. I feel happy of, like, oh, that does sound so nice to just have, like, you know, just to have to end the day that way in a connected place.

Chloe Mascord [00:18:36]:

Absolutely. Yeah. And it’s just, you know, one little thing it might be. And you know what? I. I often. This happened yesterday actually. I was sharing something with my partner at the dinner table, and I was sharing something was quite important and had, you know, a lot of emotional meaning to me. And I noticed at the time I.

Chloe Mascord [00:19:02]:

I wasn’t really paying attention because I was sharing, but I noticed that he was really listening. And I mentioned to him a few days ago, I said, I’d love it if you asked me questions. And he’s like, okay, yeah, I’ll ask you questions. And so he did that yesterday. But you know what the old default for me was?

Like, I realized that he did it, but I didn’t tell him. And then a few hours later, I went, oh, I noticed that he actually asked me questions. So I went out of my way and I went, no, I’m gonna tell him that I noticed that. And so by me going out of my way and going, hey, I just wanted to let you know, I noticed that you were asking me questions.

Chloe Mascord [00:19:45]:

Is that little thing where you have made a request from somebody and they actually show up in that way and you’re actually validating that you saw them. The feeling, you know, male, female, whoever you are to be seen is like a beautiful way for connection of an intimacy in a relationship is to just feel like, oh, they actually see me. Yeah, I’m being noticed. Which is. Is really important.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:20:14]:

Yeah. Just. Just that on its own, I feel like is so significant. And then also you also have, like, the appreciation, like, not only am I seen, but I. Or in this case, not only were you seeing him, but you were also appreciating him.

Chloe Mascord [00:20:32]:

Absolutely. And he’s like, thank you so much for saying that, because it. How I guess in my head, I thought, oh, he probably won’t care if I validate, like, if I say that. But when he responded, he’s like, thank you so much. I Was like, oh, okay, yeah, he actually really does appreciate that I’ve seen him. So it’s just that nice reminder. And, you know, we get into habits, but the more that we can become aware, that’s what’s so important. And I think why this has come up in this particular conversation about stress is because when we are stressed, it’s really hard to actually be present.

Enhance Relationships with Mindful Presence

Chloe Mascord [00:21:13]:

So it’s like, if we can be more present and not be stressed, we’re actually going to see the positive things more. We’re going to see if our partner actually does something different or we’re going to be able to be more calm when we’re expressing our desires or needs. And so if two people can find a way individually to create more presence in the moment, the relationship naturally, even if it’s just one person, is going to be impacted in a really positive way.

So even if your partner, maybe somebody’s listening and going, oh, my partner doesn’t really want to make changes, even one person making those changes, it’s really hard for things not to improve or for your partner to notice if one of you is making the effort to do something different.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:22:02]:

Yeah, I’m just maybe like tracking it in my mind, the play by play of how that would go of, like, if I’m stressed and I’m working on pausing and being present and doing that mindfulness myself, then not only will I be calmer, but I’m going to notice if my partner is listening to me or asking questions, and then I can comment on it, which then would make them feel good. And I’m feeling good because I noticed it. And now we have more intimacy automatically without my partner actually having done anything. All because I was practicing the being present.

Chloe Mascord [00:22:44]:

Yeah, I love that you mentioned the listening there, because that’s something I wanted to. To raise as well. You know, when we say listening, it’s more than just hearing the words. It’s about truly understanding and empathizing with your partner, regardless of whether or not you agree with what they’re saying. And so a really good exercise that I offer to clients is a mirroring technique.

And so it’s like one partner will share a thought or a feeling, the other person will repeat back what they heard. Starting with what I’m hearing you say is. And then what you often find is it takes a couple of goes before you actually feel that you can confirm and clarify that you feel accurately understood.

Chloe Mascord [00:23:32]:

And I mean, because when the first person in particular, if you’re starting this exercise for the first time, is you’ll Share. And then your partner might hear something completely different, even though they’re not the words that you said, because we’re putting our filter on it. And so by practicing this active listening and mirroring technique, we’re actually practicing hearing the person and their words and not putting our own filter on it, what it actually means.

And so sometimes you can go back and forth a couple of times until the person that shared can actually validate and go, okay, now I feel heard and understood. And it’s like any habit, if you practice it enough, it will, it will start to become second nature. And, you know, I know that we’re steering away from the topic of sex here, but they all intertwine, and this is part of intimacy.

And so we want both partners in a relationship to feel validated and that their thoughts are genuinely acknowledged. Because in particular for the women that I work with, a lot of the time they start to feel disconnected from their partner because they don’t feel seen and heard.

Chloe Mascord [00:24:46]:

And so then that shuts off that part of them that wants intimacy or sex with their partner. So these techniques are really important because if we don’t have that connection, we don’t have that healthy habit, then those parts of us that desire closeness and sex with our partner can actually start to shut down. So they, it does all intertwined together with this communication. And why, you know, I love to call myself an intimacy expert as opposed to a sex expert, because it really does. The intimacy is equally, if not more important because that’s how we get to the act of sex is through intimacy.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:25:29]:

Yes. Yeah, I’m following with you. And I, I think where my mind goes, that is the other thing that I hear. So I, I hear that a lot of, of like I don’t feel connected, and so I don’t really want to have sex. But the other thing that can come up, I think for a lot of people is like, body image type of things. And I think that one probably.

Well, I’m curious to hear your thoughts maybe, because I, I could see how that could relate to this, like, emotional intimacy that we’ve sort of been talking about, but also how it could relate to, like, actual sex and, and, and wanting to have sex or add. Also even adding stress, stress to the relationship because there are body image issues.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:26:16]:

I’m wondering if you have any, any thoughts on that that you could share.

Embrace Body Confidence: Shift Focus to Feelings

Chloe Mascord [00:26:21]:

Yeah, I absolutely do. So body image issues can be a real barrier to feeling confident and comfortable in the bedroom. And it’s something that a lot of people struggle with. And and struggle to talk about too. So I guess the first thing that I like to start with is shifting the focus from how you think you should look to how you actually want to feel.

So instead of chasing this unrealistic ideal is asking yourself, how do I actually want to feel in my body? Do I want to feel empowered? Do I want to feel sexy? Do I want to feel free? And so when we start to shift the focus off of what we actually should look like and move into how we should feel and not obsessing over specific body parts, it opens up this ability to have a deeper level of self acceptance and some strategies around, I guess body confidence is how we talk to ourselves.

And so sometimes we don’t even realize that we’ve got this negative self talk. And so if we start to be aware of the things that are coming up when we’re saying these nasty things to ourselves and we replace it with some other alternative words, you know, for example, I’m worthy of pleasure or my body is beautiful as it is, it starts to help rewire that mindset.

Chloe Mascord [00:27:48]:

And that’s one small technique. We spoke a little bit about mindfulness as well. But what I think is, you know, even more important in this day and age is what are you consuming on social media? You know, everyone’s on different social media platforms and, or even TV shows.

So if you start to become aware of the accounts that you’re following and just being aware, are these actually promoting these unrealistic beauty standards that make me feel inadequate, it’s really time to start to evaluate whether or not you should unfollow those accounts. That’s something I get clients to do very early in the piece. And you would be surprised how much that can have an impact because this is all unconscious. You know, this is. We’re not filling our feeds on social media with content that’s actually uplifting us and showing us real diversity of bodies because, you know, that’s what, that’s what is happening in the world.

Chloe Mascord [00:28:51]:

But yet we’re just looking at this very small portion which is not real and edited, and we’re using that as a comparison. And so if we can be mindful of those types of things and start to unfollow accounts that make us feel like or being aware of what’s actually, you know, impacting that, we can start to unravel these negative self talk and really boost confidence. So I feel they’re good places to start to start the process of removing the negative self talk and then we can start to implement some New positive strategies.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:29:30]:

Yeah, I can see how important that would be. Because even if you were doing, like, the individual mindfulness of, of noticing the, I guess, the negative self talk around. Around your body, it doesn’t do much good to, like, tell myself I’m beautiful as I am if all my messaging is telling me I’m not beautiful as I am. And so I can see how that, like, you have to remove that to make room for the new messages to take root inside of you.

Chloe Mascord [00:30:03]:

Absolutely, yeah. And doing both simultaneously is going to give you a much better outcome. And that’s, you know, it’s. It’s a beautiful thing to acknowledge. Okay. I’m prioritizing, you know, these positive things in my life, but I’m also removing things that don’t serve me. Also, you know, being mindful of conversations that your friends are having. You know, I started to notice this when I was doing my study and really getting into this body image and how that impacts intimacy and how we view ourselves.

How Conversations Affect Body Image Perception

Chloe Mascord [00:30:37]:

I started to notice that a lot of the conversations that one particular friend was having was about physical appearance. And I didn’t even realize prior to that. But when I became more conscious about the conversations or the words or the things that she would say, I would be like, oh, wow, you know, my being around that company is no doubt going to have an impact on me. You know, if somebody’s been really critical of their body, you know, you then start to go, oh, okay.

And you start to notice within yourself things that you probably wouldn’t have before. But that’s because you’re picking up on somebody else’s negative self talk as well. So just having that awareness of where these things are that are starting maybe a negative spiral, then you can start to go, okay, right. If I want to change this relationship I have with my body, I need to know where I have my moments of feeling worse.

Chloe Mascord [00:31:40]:

You know, is that me looking in the mirror? Is it watching TV shows that have unrealistic beauty standards? And then we can start to implement the positive style.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:31:52]:

I. I love that. And I’m thinking, you know, you’ve given us so many really very practical tips that I think both individuals and couples could use together to try to improve intimacy. Do you have any sort of, like, final words of wisdom maybe for. For military couples or military spouses who might be listening to this episode?

Intimacy-Boosting Relationship Card Games

Chloe Mascord [00:32:18]:

Yeah, absolutely. So one really great way to create some intimacy and connection and maybe spice things up a little bit is. And you can use this when you’re in the same location, or you can Use it when you’re not these card games. So there’s a few different types. One is we’re not really strangers. Another good card deck is Esther Perel called Where should we Begin? And what these cards have is questions that we can ask our partner.

And so this is great for people who have been even in long term relationships where it creates this curiosity because I think that’s where intimacy and the sparks can come from is when we don’t act like we know everything about our partner and lean into learning more about them. And they can be categorized into more sex questions or they can be more getting to know you questions.

Chloe Mascord [00:33:22]:

But all really valuable as a way, as a tool to use, whether in person or remote. That can actually bring some closeness and even build up some desire in the relationship as well.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:33:36]:

Yeah, I love that. Like part of what is attractive at the beginning of relationships is getting to know each other.

Chloe Mascord [00:33:45]:

Yeah.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:33:46]:

So it’s keeping that part of the relationship going, continuing to get to know each other no matter how long you’ve been together. Which is lovely.

Chloe Mascord [00:33:55]:

Yeah. I always say my favorite saying is be a tourist, not a tour guide.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:34:01]:

Oh, yeah. I love that.

Chloe Mascord [00:34:03]:

The curious mindset. If you, if you. Oh, always have a curious mindset and don’t think that you know everything and you lead with the curious mindset, it I’m. It will head in a very positive direction. Even if you’ve been in a relationship for 10 years, you still do not know everything about your partner. And people change too and evolve.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:34:24]:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I’m thinking like if people wanted to connect with you or work with you somehow, how could they go about doing that?

Chloe Mascord [00:34:34]:

Absolutely. So my website is www.honey-ed.com. also a great place to start is my podcast Honey-Ed Intimacy Made Easy. Or I also like to upload some short little clips on Instagram. In particular little snippets from my podcast, which is at the Honeyed official. I also have a free guide that I’d love to offer your listeners. Reignite your libido in 15 minutes and that’s on my website, www.honey-ed.com forward/freebie. But I’m sure you’ll have the link to those in the show notes anyway.

Chloe Mascord [00:35:16]:

But I would love to connect with anyone on Instagram if you want to ask me any questions or make some suggestions for a podcast. I would always be happy to hear those.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:35:26]:

Yeah. Great. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Chloe Mascord [00:35:31]:

Thank you for having me.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:35:41]:

I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. If so Please take a second to go rate, review and subscribe so you get all of our future episodes. Make sure to check out the show notes to sign up for our free 10 week relationship email course.

This email course is really designed for people who are maybe having trouble with communication or connection in their relationship and helping them develop some quick wins right away to start improving it. While I am a therapist, this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not considered therapy and it should also not be a replacement for therapy. If you think you need a professional of any kind, you should definitely go find one. Until next time.