Navigating Military Life as a Couple with Matthew and Shannon Morris

Episode Summary of “Navigating Military Life as a Couple with Matthew and Shannon Morris”

Welcome to The Communicate & Connect Podcast, a dedicated space for exploring the nuances and challenges of military relationships. In this episode, we’re thrilled to delve into the remarkable journey of navigating military life with our special guests, Matthew and Shannon Morris. As a couple whose love story is intertwined with service to their country, they bring an authentic and insightful perspective that’s both inspiring and enlightening.

Shannon, a proud Navy veteran, and Matthew, a dedicated former Marine, share their firsthand experiences of what it’s like to manage the intricacies of military life, both as individuals and as a partnership. Their story is not just one of service but of resilience, adaptability, and above all, profound love and partnership. From their adventurous first meeting to the unexpected turns of military deployments and transitions, the Morris’s offer a compelling narrative that resonates with both military and civilian couples alike.

Guest Speaker Bio – “Matthew and Shannon Morris”

Matthew Morris is an adventurous soul with a penchant for testing the limits of the human spirit. One chilly night, he found himself in a hammock, shielded only by a flimsy tarp against the harsh elements. As the cold seeped in, he couldn’t help but imagine his companion’s resolve breaking, envisioning her rising, packing, and leaving him behind. But morning brought an unexpected surprise—she stayed. With the dawning sun, warming their spirits, Matthew realized that resilience and companionship often blossom in the most unexpected circumstances. This experience not only deepened his appreciation for human tenacity but also reinforced his belief in the power of shared adventures.

Shannon Morris is a Navy veteran and the wife of former Marine Matthew Morris. Their unique journey as a military couple has seen them navigate the complexities of military life, both individually and together. Shannon had completed her service by the time she met Matthew, who was still on active duty. Together, they have faced the challenges and transitions inherent to military life, including Matthew’s recent transition from active duty. Despite the brevity of their time together, Shannon and Matthew have experienced a range of ups and downs, and Shannon is eager to share their story and insights on maneuvering through the military lifestyle.

You can follow them on YouTube @hoponandholdon and contact them via email at hoponandholdon@gmail.com

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Episode Transcript for “Navigating Military Life as a Couple with Matthew and Shannon Morris”

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:00:00]:
This podcast is sponsored by Communicate and Connect Counseling, where we have a team of therapists who provide individual, couples, and family therapy services, all tailored to meet the needs of military and veteran families. To learn more about our services, visit www.communicateandconnect.com.

You’re listening to episod episode 44, navigating military life as a Couple with Matthew and Shannon Morris. Okay, welcome back to the Communicate and Connect podcast for military relationships. I am really excited because we have Matthew and Shannon Morris here today to tell us about how to navigate, you know, military life as a couple. So do you guys mind just introducing yourselves a little bit?

Shannon Morris [00:01:06]:
Hi, everyone. I am Shannon Morris. I am Matthew Morris’s wife. So I am actually in a special position where I am a Navy veteran myself and Matthew is a former Marine. So we have navigated everything from actually being an active duty couple with him being active duty. I was already out by the time that we got together and also very recently going through his military transition. So we have gone through a lot of ups and downs, even though we were only together for a short time, but really excited to chat through all of the ways that we have navigated just military life, both solo and together.

Matthew Morris [00:01:47]:
And I’m Matthew Morris, Shannon’s husband. Eleven years United States Marine Corps, four years Texas A&M cadet, and three years sea cadets. Left the. Left the Marine Corps, June of 2023. So as of today, I have been a salty veteran almost three months.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:02:09]:
Yeah, I just, I think my mind is going a couple of places. I’m like, oh, I think it’s so sweet that you’re like, oh, I’m. I’m his wife and, oh, I’m her husband. I just, like, you guys said that I’m obviously like a hopeless romantic, so. But my other thought was like, wow, you guys have a lot of wisdom, I think, to share with, with the audience because you have gone through it all, including this and including the transition out of the military, which is amazing.

Shannon Morris [00:02:40]:
Yeah, it’s been a roller coaster ride, that is for sure. So happy to be as candid as we can and answer the hard questions. That’s what we’re here for.

Matthew Morris [00:02:49]:
Yep.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:02:50]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Shannon Morris [00:02:52]:
So.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:02:53]:
Well, I’m thinking I. Because I am a hopeless romantic, if you’re open to it, I would love to hear about how you guys met and fell in love. If. If you’re open to it. Sure.

Shannon Morris [00:03:05]:
That is your turn.

Shark Rescue Adventure Leads to Dinner”

Matthew Morris [00:03:09]:
So I was doing a shark dentistry expedition and was actually pulled out to sea and Shannon fired the tranquilizer dart that suppressed the Shark. So that I would actually was actually rescued. And so when they pulled me back into the boat, I said, who in the world did that? She was actually getting off the boat, managed to track her down and said, the least I can do is. Is take you to dinner. And she said, we’ll see. Oh, wait, you want the real story?

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:03:48]:
I was like, that’s the most interesting way of meeting I’ve ever heard. And I hear a lot of stories.

Shannon Morris [00:03:55]:
I was like, everyone that version. And I think about 75% of people actually believe him.

Matthew Morris [00:04:02]:
Hey, you know what? If it ain’t true, it ought. You know what I mean?

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:04:09]:
Okay, so what’s the real story? Yeah, tell us.

Matthew Morris [00:04:12]:
In all truth, in all facts, we actually connected on Bumble. I don’t know why. In a lapse of judgment, she swiped right on me. But she did. So I took full advantage of that. We. I had been trying to connect with her in person for a few weeks. A few weeks, which in the world of online dating is decades.

Matthew Morris [00:04:41]:
Right. And finally we connected over dinner. I said, I think it’d be really great if we caught a sunset. I.

Shannon Morris [00:04:50]:
Your time management skills were not the best that night.

Matthew Morris [00:04:53]:
At that particular time, I think I had a flat on the motorcycle and there was a hail storm and my dog was sick.

Shannon Morris [00:04:59]:
It was a beautiful evening, it was.

Matthew Morris [00:05:01]:
Late and long story short, got to the restaurant later than I had intended.

Shannnon Morris [00:05:08]:
To, which gave me the time to shower because I actually told him. I was like, you want to get together this last minute? This is my only available day. It’s going to be this evening. I’m teaching dance, I’m coming from the gym. You’re going to get a hot mess. But thankfully his time management skills gave me time to shower, which actually led into a surprisingly like three hour long first date.

Matthew Morris [00:05:32]:
Oh yeah. So once, once we were in person, we were sitting down at dinner table together. It just, it flowed so naturally. Yeah, I had no expectations.

Shannon Morris [00:05:47]:
This was supposed to be my last first date. I was about to delete the app altogether. I was 29, on the brink of turning 30, and I was like, you know what? This isn’t working. For the last few months before I turned 30, I’m just gonna delete this and focus on myself. And it was the last first date I ever went on.

Matthew Morris [00:06:05]:
So, yeah, we closed the restaurant down, walked her to her car, and I did not kiss her on the first date because I could sense that if I did, she would pull one of her many self defense items out and correct that inappropriate behavior. So we Connected again a little bit later. That was when we went dancing.

Shannon Morris [00:06:37]:
No, no, the third date was before that.

Matthew Morris [00:06:40]:
Was it?

Shannon Morris [00:06:40]:
Yeah. The, the pivotal point for Matthew and all of this was the third date.

Matthew Morris [00:06:46]:
Yeah. So our third date is. Is in this. Everything you’re about to hear is based on true story.

Shannon Morris [00:06:52]:
This is actually real.

Matthew Morris [00:06:54]:
So I, I went to a cowboy action shooting match and the next day dropped her grid coordinates to a road, dirt road intersection in the middle of the Apple Valley desert in Southern California. And she said, okay, I’ll meet you there. And I. To go camping. Right. This is, this was a camping trip. It’s going to be overnight camping trip. Hot springs by the lake or by the river.

Matthew Morris [00:07:22]:
I kind of, I was like, you know, she, she seems pretty tough. She might show up. Sure enough, she showed up to a random point in the middle of the.

Shannon Morris [00:07:33]:
Desert with no cell phone service.

Matthew Morris [00:07:34]:
No cell service. The only way you could get to this point was what you had to use pictures. Like screenshots from the Google map. Yeah. I pull up, I see her car, I see her there. I’m like, all right, so far so good. And we get to the campsite and mind you, this is summer in Southern.

Shannon Morris [00:07:55]:
California on a Sunday night.

Matthew Morris [00:07:58]:
Sunday night? Yeah, in the afternoon. And she pulls out her go bag. Like her backpack, it’s perfectly packed. There’s not a strap loose. And she’s like, all right, I’m ready to go. And I said, you don’t need all that. You don’t need to bring all that. You don’t need all that cold weather camping gear.

Shannon Morris [00:08:14]:
No sleeping bag.

Matthew Morris [00:08:15]:
No sleeping bag.

Shannon Morris [00:08:16]:
Like, bring one blanket. Fine.

Matthew Morris [00:08:19]:
And, you know, she kind of gives me that skeptical look, says, okay, I’ll. I’ll trust you. And stick.

Shannon Morris [00:08:25]:
Yeah, true.

Matthew Morris [00:08:28]:
And so we do the hike. We have a great hike. We get to the spot. The spot actually turns out to be a local hangout for nudists.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:08:43]:
Okay. What an interesting third date already.

Matthew Morris [00:08:51]:
And we, we, we get there. We are, we’re not the youngest ones.

Unprepared Camping in Cold Weather

Shannon Morris [00:08:57]:
There, but we’re pretty close.

Matthew Morris [00:08:58]:
We’re pretty close. And the gap between us and the next generation of youngest was, was at least an entire lifetime up to graduating high school. And we, so we get there, we find our little campsite, we get kind of settled in, we find the hot springs, and then the sun goes down and the only cold weather gear that we had brought was a hammock to temp to hammock camp in. And two blankies.

Shannon Morris [00:09:33]:
No, one blankie and one tarp.

Matthew Morris [00:09:35]:
Oh, yeah, sorry. That’s Right part.

Shannon Morris [00:09:37]:
And this is a throw blanket. Like, it barely covers one human on a couch.

Matthew Morris [00:09:43]:
And it got down to 41 degrees that night.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:09:48]:
Oh, my gosh.

Camping Concerns: Will She Leave?”

Matthew Morris [00:09:50]:
As we’re shivering in this hammock with a tarp as our only line of defense against the elements, I’m constantly thinking to myself, I’m like, she’s either going to get out of this thing and hike her butt back to the car and I’m never gonna see her again. As those are my first. I was like, she’s just gonna leave. She’s just gonna stand up, pack her stuff and go. She didn’t. So sun came up. I thought, man, sun’s gonna come up, she’s gonna fall out, she’s gonna get warm, she’s gonna pack all her stuff up, hike out and go. Never see her again.

Matthew Morris [00:10:20]:
She didn’t. She hung out. We defrosted on the sand. Sand beach next to the. Next to the river, ate the sandwiches that she had so diligently and foresightedly packed for us, and then we both hiked out. At no point during the hike did she complain, did she cry, did she make me carry her gear? Did she say, you know, this is hard, like, nothing. And I thought, Jesus, gallon should have been a Marine. I think I said that at one point.

Matthew Morris [00:10:57]:
And her comment back to me was, did you say, I hate running? Oh, yeah, I hate running. I’m never gonna be Marine. I hate running. And I was like, okay, well, that’s fair. That’s fair. And I got in my truck, Separate car. She was driving. I was in my truck on the way home, and I called my sister, and my sister’s kind of my.

Matthew Morris [00:11:19]:
My go to for real important life things. And I said, hey, something about this person is different, and you’re going to meet her when I come to Portland eventually. Because my sister lived in Portland. Your parents were planning a trip to Portland? Wait, I don’t even think we knew about that at that point. But, yeah, I don’t know if it was fall in love at that point, but something changed. She did something to me, right? She messed in my nest. She got in my head.

Shannon Morris [00:12:05]:
And then he locked it down.

Matthew Morris [00:12:07]:
Oh, yeah.

Shannon Morris [00:12:08]:
Like the next week, within the week, he sat me down in his truck and he was like, I deleted all of my dating apps. I told everybody that I was talking to that, I am done. I want to give this a shot. I said, I was about to leave you, but that’s cool. And what? Within. Within nine months, we were. No, within like seven months, we were engaged in nine months, we were married, and now we’ve got a baby on the way.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:12:38]:
Oh, congratulations. Yeah. Okay, well, I’m hearing that, like, thing things really something really drew you together to even go, like, three hours and close down the restaurant on the first date. I’ve had plenty of first dates where I was like, God, get me out of here in five minutes. You know? So that. That was. Sounds like a really strong positive sign. And then it sounds like this camping trip meant a lot to you, Matthew.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:13:10]:
That it was like, it was one of the defining moments of, like, this. This relationship has a strong potential. So you guys stayed together and then you’ve gone through all of these things as a military couple together since then. So tell us a little bit about what has been some of, like, the larger challenging spots for the two of you as, like, navigating military life. Where. Where was it challenging? And then how did you handle those?

Shannon Morris [00:13:42]:
Yeah. So we have basically been through the gamut of mental roller coasters when it comes to military life. A lot of this is from my perspective because I had already been out four. Four years. Four and a half years by the time Matthew came back into my life and I was done. I was so far out of being anywhere connected to the military that I never saw myself going back in, much less as a spouse at any point. So the. The first roller coaster was, oh, my gosh, I have to go back into this and deal with somebody else kind of dictating my life.

Shannon Morris [00:14:21]:
Well, in the. In the first few months we had in, Matthew had changed commands. So it was kind of an. All of a sudden, hey, something happened administratively, you’re going to a different command. Once he got to that command, they told him, hey, you’re going to deploy within the next couple of months with a different unit. With a different unit, and he’s going to be gone for half the year. I was like, great, this is so early in the relationship. We have to deal with the deployment.

Shannon Morris [00:14:54]:
Not, I think, not two weeks into that, Matthew got into a motorcycle accident. That kind of changed. So then it was, hey, we’re going to wait around. You’re not medically fit to deploy. So weeks before he was supposed to go, he got into the accident, and now he’s about to get surgery. Then when we’re going through all of that again, it’s this toggle between, okay, am I going to do Skill Bridge, or am I going to be going through a medical board? Which is actually the way that I went out. So I kind of knew what the process was. For the med board.

Marine Corps Discharge: Unexpected Timing

Shannon Morris [00:15:36]:
So as Matthew is going through the med board, he was actually on leave when we got a phone call. I had picked him up from the airport. We were headed home, and he got a phone call on June 3rd that was, hey, by the way, your extension for your medical board got denied. You were out of the marine Corps on June 1st.

So this is two days after he had already technically been eased out of the Marine Corps. So we were thinking at this point he had six more months to go, that he wouldn’t get out until January 2024, which is when we’re expecting our first baby. And we had only known that I was pregnant for about two weeks at that point. And it was, oh, you’re out of the Marine Corps.

Shannon Morris [00:16:22]:
You signed your DD214. Nobody anticipated any of these things happening. So then within the last three months, it’s going through the actual transition, which has included selling all of our worldly possessions and hopping on a plane to Europe and trying to figure out the next step together.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:16:42]:
Yes. I’m hearing that you guys went through so much, and it sounds like it was kind of a compressed period of time, too. Like you went through a lot in a short period of time.

Shannon Morris [00:16:52]:
Yes. So even though in our own personal lives, things went fairly quickly, in our relationship itself, a lot of it was also out of our control on the career side, because within all of this, I was laid off. So I was working for. And hiring with Google for a while and thought that, hey, I finally found a career that I liked. I got laid off.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:17:15]:
Yeah.

Shannon Morris [00:17:16]:
Matthew norted. We found out I was having a baby. He got out of the Marine Corps. So all of the life transitions for us, whether we liked it or not, happened at the same time.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:17:27]:
Yeah. So I’m thinking about, like, the marriage counselor side of me is. Is coming into play right now because life transitions are the. Tend to be the most stressful parts for any couple. And then when you have military, like, just regular military life, you already have way more transitions than civilian couples do. And then you guys had like, like back to. Back to back, like, lots. Lots of them kind of like hitting you all at once.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:18:01]:
And I’m just thinking, gosh, that would be so stressful. So how did you. You guys are obviously still together. You seem very much in love to me when I’m like, I get to look at you and I get to see your. Your, like, eyes glisten looking at each other. Yeah. So I could. I could feel like, the love that you guys have for each other already or like, you know, just from this call.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:18:26]:
But how did you like navigate all of that together so that way you could still be as close and in love as you guys are now?

Matthew Morris [00:18:37]:
I got this one.

Shannon Morris [00:18:38]:
Okay, you got it.

Matthew Morris [00:18:40]:
And I only got this because I’ve, I’ve listened to Shannon.

Shannon Morris [00:18:46]:
So this is for a lot of help.

Matthew Morris [00:18:47]:
Yes. So when before we had even right. As we were talking about the possibility of getting married, Shannon asked me a very point blank question. She said, what is, what does it mean to get married? What does that mean? You know, I, I think I gave her some smart ass remark of like, it means that we’ll love each other unconditionally for the rest of our lives. Me.

Shannon Morris [00:19:14]:
Yeah, right.

Marriage Legalities: Understanding Implications

Matthew Morris [00:19:15]:
And she, she kind of took me by the shoulders and said, no, Matthew, what is this? What is this legally? What is this spiritually? If you want to go down that route, what does this mean for our families? What are, what does it mean? And we spent a solid month going through like looking up what does it mean to be married in California? What does it mean to be married in Texas?

Because I’m Texas native. What does it mean federally? What are all of these, these legalities that go into signing a. Basically contract and there. And it was, it was great because we, we learned so much about what’s, what happens after you say I do.

Shannon Morris [00:20:10]:
We learned what happens if you say I don’t after you say I do.

Matthew Morris [00:20:14]:
Right. You know, people talk about what’s the, the in case you get a divorce document.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:20:22]:
Prenup.

Matthew Morris [00:20:23]:
People talk about a prenup like, oh, prenups. So, so terrible. Well, we actually went through two different FreeNA exercise exercises because it teaches you what you need to prepare for and it all. And then we went into stuff like what happens if your spouse dies? What’s a will if you, if you still have living parents and siblings. And then we, we went through multiple professional counselings before we got married.

Shannon Morris [00:21:00]:
And not mandated by the military. Like this was just us. Yeah.

Matthew Morris [00:21:05]:
We, we said, hey, we’re about to get married. Talk us through what it really means. And we had, we had some good guidance from, from military source. We had good guidance from one of the chaplains who although they are a religious provider, they didn’t make it. Like they didn’t preach. They said these are the facts. And then we had counselors completely separated.

Shannon Morris [00:21:33]:
From the military and also a lot of mentors that we asked of like, hey, you guys have been married for 30, 40, 50, 60 years. What’s the secret? Yeah, because at this point we’re both in our 30s, and I want to do it right this time. You see all of the statistics, especially in the military, they’re absolutely atrocious. So I’m going to sign on the dot, the line, and we’re going to enter into this partnership. What is. What is it actually going to look like? And what is it besides all of the pomp and circumstance of the ceremony?

Matthew Morris [00:22:09]:
Yep.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:22:10]:
Yeah. I so appreciate hearing about the intentionality that you both brought to this decision and making sure that you really think through it ahead of time and sort of get prepared for different possibilities ahead of time. That’s. I wish every couple would do that. Yeah.

Matthew Morris [00:22:35]:
Having had the opportunity to counsel multiple Marines at multiple phases of their life. Hey, sir, I’m gonna get married. Great. Have you talked about. No, you haven’t.

Shannon Morris [00:22:48]:
You.

Matthew Morris [00:22:48]:
Do you know her last name? No. Okay.

Military Life and Modern Marriage Challenges

Shannon Morris [00:22:52]:
Or seeing all of the. You have five kids with how many different women? When I was serving, I think a lot of that part of the military life kind of drew me to the reality of this is modern marriage, and this is military marriage. A lot of times, it’s not necessarily the way that you think it is or it’s supposed to be.

So if I’m going to be doing this and if we’re entering into a partnership where I’m taking your last name in a world where I don’t have to anymore, I want to know exactly what it is that we’re getting into before we get into it. And all of a sudden down the line realize, oh, crap, I made a mistake because we overlooked something, or at least something that could have been prevented because, as you know, life is throwing us curveballs.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:23:37]:
Yeah. So I’m thinking right now. So you guys asked a lot of people, professionals, and then just people that you trusted, like, what’s the secret? What was kind of like the overwhelming advice, like, if that you got, like, what is the secret? Okay. Yeah. Tell me. You’re pulling on your shirt. He’s wearing a shirt. For the people who can’t see it.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:24:01]:
Tell us about this shirt that you.

Matthew Morris [00:24:03]:
All right.

Shannon Morris [00:24:04]:
When we’re glad you’re finally closed.

Matthew Morris [00:24:06]:
Yes. Yes. What Shannon didn’t know was I was actually the vice president of that nudist colony. Just kidding. Just kidding. I was only the treasurer. No. So what I’m wearing right now is.

Matthew Morris [00:24:22]:
Is a shirt that says bite naked. And that piece of advice was given to us by one of our mentor cowboy action shooters named Scarlet Darling. And we had. We, at that point, we had probably talked to at least 50 different couples.

Shannon Morris [00:24:44]:
Like all, all stages, from just freshly dating to 60 years married.

Matthew Morris [00:24:49]:
Yeah. And again, reiterate that we, we had people in the sport that we participate in that have been married over 60 years to the same person.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:25:00]:
Yeah.

Shannon Morris [00:25:02]:
Well, even our families, our parents, we asked them and they’ve both been 30 some in 40 years together.

“Surviving a 25,000-Mile Road Trip”

Matthew Morris [00:25:09]:
We’ll come back to our folks here in just a second. But anyway, my shirt says fight naked. And that was a kind of a cajoling joke that, that she had put onto us, and we, we laughed and walked away. But the point to that is you’re going to fight, right? Make no mistake, as Instagram worthy as we look, we butt heads, right?

We have, we have. Since, since we started this trip, Shannon and I, in less than a month have gone over 25, 000 miles together, including 11, 000 miles on a road trip around North America with just the two of us. With just us and my truck. Okay. We didn’t kill each other.

Matthew Morris [00:26:06]:
We didn’t attempt to kill each other. By the way, attempted murder is still bad, right? If you’re bad at killing, it still counts. Okay, but, but the point to that is you’re gonna fight, you’re gonna disagree, you’re gonna butt heads, you’re. You’re gonna, you’re gonna be passive aggressive and not necessarily know it.

If you can take that opportunity when you start feeling the, the tension rise. And I don’t care if you’re military, I don’t care if you’ve been married or dating a month or six months or whatever, that little element of, hey, this is your significant other. You can, you can fight naked. And it’s a lot harder to be mad at.

Matthew Morris [00:26:57]:
What did I say? Oh, it’s a lot harder to be mad when you’re arguing with a set of perfect business. Right? So take that as you will interpret that however you want to. But the point is, is this is your person. This is your significant other, so.

Shannon Morris [00:27:14]:
Or the other other interpretation of this is more on the, hey, make light of the situation that you’re going to be in, because everybody that we asked differing opinions from, do things together, do things apart. Spend time together, spend time apart. But everybody kind of went back to the fight naked piece of advice because nobody disagreed on that.

So that has since been our tagline and motto, along with hop on and hold on because life is going to throw you a ton of lemons. So what are you going to do? Just hop on and hold on to one another and get through it as a pair instead of trying to focus energy on one person at a time. Hello?

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:27:58]:
Yeah. Yeah, so I’m really liking this, and I’m thinking maybe this is part of what I help people do in couples counseling, but emotionally, like, can we fight in an emotionally naked way where we’re vulnerable to each other? But I could see how being, like, physically naked, like, automatically just increases that vulnerability. Like, if I’m having a hard time setting down my, my anger, you know, to, to have this conversation in an emotionally vulnerable way, that fighting physically naked would actually, like, put us already in that vulnerable spot.

Shannon Morris [00:28:39]:
Yeah. And the, the way that you said it too, is, is perfect. Emotionally naked, like, take, take down all of the barriers because this is your person, you’ve chosen to go through it with them. The only way you’re actually going to be able to get anywhere in a conversation, good or bad, is if you are as vulnerable as you were on the day that you got married.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:29:01]:
Oh, I like that. That’s. I don’t know. That just like, touched home when you said it, like, as vulnerable as you are on the day you get married. Yeah. And then, so then the second piece of. Is hop on. Hold on.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:29:17]:
I’m hearing fight naked and hop on. Hold on. That’s like the two key pieces here. Yeah.

Matthew Morris [00:29:24]:
And by the way, I like. I love y’all’s version. And that’s. That’s beautiful. That is a perfect illustration of man brain and woman brain. This is great. Emotionally naked. Not take your clothes off.

Shannon Morris [00:29:40]:
Okay. Ever works.

Matthew Morris [00:29:42]:
This is teamwork. This is why there is.

Shannon Morris [00:29:44]:
This is why.

Hop On and Hold On: Embrace Life’s Challenges”

Matthew Morris [00:29:45]:
Yes, there you go. So hop on and hold on was my smart ass phrase that I told Shannon when we very first got together. I said, look, I move at 110 miles a minute. If you have any desire to date me, you are going to have to hop on and hold on to which she replied, leaning back in her chair, raising an eyebrow, saying, what’d you say? Yeah, she saw. She saw through that one like, like thin soup.

But what that is manifested into now is our, our primary core value for making this relationship work. Life is gonna throw shit at you. I don’t care if you are a military family, if you are a civilian family, if you are flying solo, living that batch life, eventually something is going to come your way.

Matthew Morris [00:30:45]:
And you either have to hop on and hold on and deal with this thing and make it that eight seconds, or you’re gonna get bucked off. And if you’re not ready for that, then landing on your head is going to be really painful.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:31:06]:
Yeah, this Is like your analogy is, is making me think of bull riding, which I’m sure is where this comes from. Yeah, I am. I’m from Texas too, so a few different. Yeah, I’m from El Paso, Texas, originally.

Matthew Morris [00:31:25]:
So you know that. You didn’t tell me that.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:31:27]:
Well, I don’t think. Yeah, it’s. I mean, it. She wouldn’t have known this. It’s not like, it’s not in my email signature block from El Paso, Texas, originally. So. Yeah. Wow.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:31:40]:
I, I love these two things that you both are sharing. I’m wondering if you have any other, any other tips, like if, if you were it kind of sound. I mean, what you’re sharing now sounds really like these two things are really significant. But anything else you want to share with, like military couples who might be listening about how they can try to like, just stay together and survive military life. A book.

Shannon Morris [00:32:10]:
Oh, tell me about the book.

Matthew Morris [00:32:12]:
You can’t see this. Everybody listening. The name of this book is 1001 Questions to Ask before you get married. And take it. Take it with a grain of salt. Some of it is not really applicable.

Shannon Morris [00:32:30]:
Some of it has to do with getting married to somebody who’s currently incarcerated.

Matthew Morris [00:32:34]:
Right. Are you, are you interested in this person because of their status as a felon?

Shannon Morris [00:32:41]:
Not applicable. But anyway, it’s a really fun exercise that we actually did on a lot of date nights. And it’s just a tangible thing that you can go out and get this book and do with your partner whether or not you’re going to get married, if you’re thinking about getting into a serious relationship or just looking for icebreakers. It’s 1001 questions. You ask each other these questions.

You have no obligation to follow the book to a T. We did it. I think we took most of the things pretty sarcastically, but it still triggers some of those important questions that you need to be asking, like finance and spirituality and if you have children, stepchildren and guardianship and all of those things in there for hey, you’re you.

Revisiting Values for Lasting Partnerships”

Shannon Morris [00:33:26]:
You want to be together long term, revisit this. There’s a reason we have this book with us on our trip is because that it had such an impact before we got married, but we’re still reading it after we got married because one, it’s fun, but two, it’s. It’s not a one and done. Everybody’s values continue to change. And that’s another one of continuing to do different values exercises at each chapter and each turning point in your life to see what do you value as individuals.

And then also, what do you value together as a unit? I think we said this a little bit earlier in the podcast, but we’re approaching life as it’s you and me together. So it’s never going to be, hey, this is just Shannon or this is just Matthew. It’s always how do we prioritize the relationship and how do we prioritize the family or the partnership, however you want to look at it? Because the moment we made the decision, at least for us to build this together, it’s, hey, we need to learn how to be partners in almost every single sense of that word.

Shannon Morris [00:34:34]:
If we’re only focusing on ourselves, which a lot of times one of us just needs to kind of swallow our pride and be like, okay, I’ve been listening a little bit too much to just me and focusing on me. How do we make sure what we’re building and the things that we are maybe sacrificing as individuals are contributing to the life that we want as a.

Matthew Morris [00:34:53]:
Pair.

Shannon Morris [00:34:55]:
Or whatever modern version of that exists out there. Yeah, you have to do it together.

Matthew Morris [00:35:01]:
You said something earlier that’s I’m going to cling to for just a second. The modern marriage. Marriage today is not the same as marriage was when our parents got married. My parents have been together for 40 years. Shannon’s parents been together 36, 34. Okay, so over 70 years of combined marriage experience between two sets of parents. Now, even though what that looks like today is different, the core values are the same. Right.

Matthew Morris [00:35:36]:
Honor your partner, value their opinion, work through problems with them. Right. That’s not going to change. But especially if you are the military family, it’s, it’s almost impossible today to be a single income military family. Especially if you’re living off base. We can go down the rabbit hole. Real estate, but so you have this new energy of the in the employed or the entrepreneur spouse, which, take it back, 50 years ago it existed. But you, you heard about it one off.

Matthew Morris [00:36:22]:
It was very much the exception, not the loop. We are going in a direction now where the spouse is not a stay at home wife all the time. It can be. And there is absolutely great value in that if that is the direction you choose to lead your life. But it is becoming more common to see careers in spouses. It’s also becoming less common to see only female spouses. We have that, that paradigm shift now. You have female service members with male spouses.

Relationship Check-In Questions Guide

Matthew Morris [00:36:54]:
And, and so my, my point to all of that is it doesn’t matter where you are in your relationship. Going through something like this book. Right. And I don’t care if you use this book, pick your own. But something that has a long list of questions that talks about everything from are you a saver or are you a spender? Are you a homebody or do you like to go out? Do you like family or do you want to be whatever. And check in consistently and, and, and ask those questions. Right. Do it, do it formally have a checklist.

Matthew Morris [00:37:33]:
Because if you get into something and it says do you prefer to arrive at airports or train stations well ahead of schedule or with minimum time waiting to board, that can be something that drives human beings crazy.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:37:46]:
Right? Yes. That’s good to know ahead of time. I could see, like if we know that we can maybe prevent a fight.

Matthew Morris [00:37:57]:
And as much traveling as we do. That was definitely a good point to come to terms on.

Shannon Morris [00:38:03]:
Yeah. But we, we also check on this all the time and I think that’s critical for military families because you are transitioning all of the time. So do, do the gut check, the health check on the, the relationship health. Like, how is this going? Check in once a week. Make sure, hey, ask your significant other how they’re doing. It’s not all about the military career. It’s also about the spouse career. Are things balance and level and if not, what do you need to do to address it and then address it together? Because it’s never the fault and never the responsibility of just one person.

Shannon Morris [00:38:41]:
But the earlier and I think the more consistently you can think as a unit, the easier it will be to navigate all of the transitions. Because as we know, military life is going to throw curveballs at you whether you like it or not.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:38:59]:
Yeah, I really, I really like what you were sharing, like to. We need to do it as a unit and we need to think, think of our marriage, think of us as a unit. And that as you do that, it makes it easier than to address, address the problem, like anything that comes up. Yeah, well, I know because I’m looking at this shirt, this fight naked shirt, and I’m thinking, do you guys sell these shirts or like how. Tell us a little bit about like how people can connect with you, like all of this sort of thing.

Hop On and Hold On: Travel Blog & Shop”

Shannon Morris [00:39:34]:
So we are actually blogging all of our travels on our website, www.hoponandholdon.com. we also have Instagram, YouTube and Facebook handles, all with the same name. So hop on and hold on spelled out. We have a shop on our website that has these shirts. And there’s more to come because the more we travel the more creative juices I’m getting.

So anything that people are requesting, like, give me an art project, and I am more than happy to do it, but the easiest way is Google search. Hop on and hold on and find us on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, or our website and our blog. And just check in and say hi and let us know how everything’s going and if there’s anything that we can do to help.

Shannon Morris [00:40:21]:
But in the meantime, buy a shirt. It’s really comfortable and it’s 100% cotton and one of my favorite T shirts ever.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:40:29]:
Awesome. Yeah, I’ll, I’ll include links to the, to the blog, into the, into your social media and all of that in the show notes. So.

Shannon Morris [00:40:39]:
Thank you.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:40:40]:
Any, Any last final thoughts before we end?

Matthew Morris [00:40:43]:
Huh?

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:40:46]:
You don’t have to have them. I just wanted to give you the chance.

Matthew Morris [00:40:51]:
When, when you’re, when you’re picking your person, pick someone who is equally yoked. And that is something that my mother made, made very clear to me because there, the 5050 thing is not real. There’s no such marriage. Is 50 50.

Shannon Morris [00:41:18]:
No, it’s not.

Matthew Morris [00:41:18]:
For, for 1% of the whole time, the other 99%, your. Your pendulum is swinging back and forth. And at some points it’s going to be 91 person maybe making the money or working on education or building the brand or building the business, and 10% the other person planning the trip, coordinating the logistics. Right? It’s, it’s the, it’s the, it’s the co and xo. It’s the hammer and anvil. You’ve got one person who’s focused internally so that the other person can be focused externally. At no point in that does that mean that one person is more or less important. Because if either side stops, the whole machine crashes.

Enhance Relationships Through Joint Decisions

Matthew Morris [00:42:09]:
But that is going to ebb and flow with that. When those tough admin decisions or the little minutiae decisions, whatever they are, start to pile onto one person, take the time to sit down with that person and go through those little things or those things that don’t feel super, feel super important in the moment, go through them with them, sit down beside them and look at the travel plan and help book the hotel rooms, right?

Sit down beside them and, and go through, hey, what restaurant do we want to hit when we are in this city? Because when you make those little, those little decisions together, or at least give the input, you don’t just throw it all on one person’s shoulders. It makes both people feel valued. And that, that feeling of being valued is Something that makes the relationship great, but it can also really, really make one person feel not valued.

And as soon as you stop feeling valued in your relationship, that’s when you start doubting the relationship. That’s when you start thinking the person doesn’t value you for your opinion, your skill, your input. So take the time to go through all those little things together and give that input. This is a very recent lesson that I had the opportunity to practice, and you’ve done great.

Matthew Morris [00:43:50]:
And you know, the point to that is, is that you’re never done bettering your relationship. Right. Twenty something thousand miles, and we’re still trying to get better at it. And then over the next 20,000 miles, we’re going to learn more. Right. So sum up all of that and you can edit all the other part out to just say this. Go through the little things with your person so that when you account and you encounter the big things, you can tackle them a lot easier.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:44:26]:
Yeah, I love that.

Shannon Morris [00:44:28]:
My last thought is, thank you, Liz, for doing this and for putting this together, because I don’t think there’s another podcast out there that really looks at the military couple as a unit because it’s so important to do that, especially nowadays where there’s a lot of.

I don’t know if it’s just tension in the identity or middle spouses trying to get more of a voice out there, but putting focus on the couple as a whole, I think is extremely important. So we just want to thank you for your time to interview us on your podcast and also please let us know what your address is so we can send you a little goodie.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:45:08]:
Okay. Well, thank you. Yeah. Thank you for being on this podcast. And that’s. That’s very sweet of you to say. I think, yeah. That I feel very similarly about marriage is what you guys have.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:45:20]:
Have described. And I didn’t mention it to you guys, but I know I’ve mentioned it on the podcast that I come from a dual military family, like generations of military on both side and am now a military spouse, but. And then used to work for the Department of Veterans affairs as a. As a. More in the role of a trauma therapist. But couple relationships are. Are like the theme that keeps coming up both from my personal experiences and like family members, the difficulty of military life on relationships. And when I had more individual therapy clients at the va.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:46:00]:
It’s just this is the relationships are the struggle spot. I like doing this podcast to try to help as many couples do this together as possible. So anyway, thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Matthew Morris [00:46:16]:
Thank you.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:46:27]:
I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. If so Please take a second to go rate, review and subscribe so you get all of our future episodes. Make sure to check out the show notes to sign up for our FREE 10-week relationship email course.

This email course is really designed for people who are maybe having trouble with communication or connection in their relationship and helping them develop some quick wins right away to start improving it. While I am a therapist, this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not considered therapy and it should also not be a replacement for therapy. If you think you need a professional of any kind, you should definitely go find one. Until next time.