Advocating for Yourself with Braquelle Murphy

Episode Summary of “Advocating for Yourself with Braquelle Murphy”

Welcome to The Communicate & Connect Podcast, where we delve into the essential facets of communication and relationship-building, especially for those in military life. In today’s episode, we’re thrilled to feature Braquelle Murphy, a licensed graduate professional counselor from Maryland who specializes in trauma therapy and working with military couples. This conversation is packed with valuable insights on the art of self-advocacy, particularly tailored for military spouses who often face unique challenges.

In our engaging discussion, Braquelle opens up about her personal journey of self-advocacy, from overcoming career hurdles overseas to forging meaningful relationships in new and unfamiliar territories. As a military spouse, she knows firsthand the importance of maintaining one’s identity and pursuing personal goals despite the ever-changing landscape of military life. With a focus on building resilience, she shares strategies for effectively communicating your needs, staying persistent, and leveraging available resources to achieve your dreams.

Host Elizabeth Polinsky offers an inviting space for this enlightening conversation, where they explore how self-advocacy not only supports personal development but also strengthens romantic relationships. Together, they unpack the critical role of having a supportive network, be it a partner, family, or friends, and how these connections can fuel your journey toward self-fulfillment.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to enhance their skills in self-advocacy, particularly those connected to the military community. Whether you’re struggling with career obstacles, long-distance relationships, or the demands of military life, you’ll find practical tips, heartfelt stories, and inspiration to take control of your path and build a life that aligns with your values and aspirations.

Guest Speaker Bio – “Braquelle Murphy”

Braquelle Murphy embarked on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, choosing to prioritize her personal and academic development. Faced with uncertainties and the distance from the person most important to her, she decided to embrace the freedom to explore her passions. Braquelle pursued her bachelor’s degree, moved frequently, and seized the opportunity to study abroad. Throughout this transformative period, she had unwavering support from afar, encouraging her bold choices and never questioning her decisions. This supportive foundation allowed Braquelle to reclaim control over her life, pursuing education, career opportunities, and travel experiences that enriched her perspective and fueled her ambitions.

You can check her website at DazedTherapy.com.

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Episode Transcript for “Advocating for Yourself with Braquelle Murphy”

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:00:00]:
This podcast is sponsored by Communicate and Connect Counseling, where we have a team of therapists who provide individual, couples, and family therapy services, all tailored to meet the needs of military and veteran families. To learn more about our services, visit www.communicateandconnect.com.

Welcome back to the Communicate and Conn podcast. This is episode 42, advocating for yourself as a Spouse and as a military Spouse, with Bruckell Murphy. All right, I’m really excited that we have Brockel today to talk about how to advocate for yourself as a military spouse. We actually met through a therapist group for military spouses, which is kind of cool. Raquel, why don’t you share just a little bit about yourself and your experiences so people get a feeling for who you are.

Braquelle Murphy [00:01:12]:
So thank you for having me on the podcast. I’m really excited to be here. So I’m a licensed graduate professional counselor in the state of Maryland. I mean, I’m provisionally licensed, but, you know, meet weekly for supervision and maintain my own caseload. Um, so I primarily work with adults that experience different types of trauma. I’m an EMDR therapist. Right. Which is a trauma modality.

Braquelle Murphy [00:01:35]:
So I primarily use that when working with adults. And then I also see military couples. I’m trained in eft, which I know you are as well. Um, and so I incorporated that in sessions.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:01:49]:
Yeah. Awesome. That is. That’s really exciting. You may have told me that, but I’m like, ab spacey this morning. And so just hearing you say that, I’m like, oh, that’s awesome. I, of course, I love that you’re doing eft, and trauma work is so important. So many of us, like, if you think about trauma broadly, we all have some type of trauma that we’ve gone through in our lives that also then directly impacts our relationship.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:02:17]:
So I see those as going really well together. Your two specialties of EMDR with. For working with trauma and the EFT piece. So that’s great.

Braquelle Murphy [00:02:28]:
Yeah, thank you. I’m excited for it, and I keep learning more about it, you know, as I progress in my career.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:02:34]:
So this podcast is really for. For military relationships. So then I want to make kind of the connection of why is advocating for yourself important and how is that even related to relationships? Like, how. How does advocating for myself then actually help my relationship if I do that? But let’s just start from the individual level. Like, tell it. Tell us why you think advocating for yourself is important as a military spouse.

Braquelle Murphy [00:03:07]:
Yeah, so when I just think of, you know, self advocacy and the importance of that, just in general Right. So advocacy for your needs and desires. Right. And communicating those. And so when I think of that in a military relationship. Right. Like, with all the demands and the pressure and the transition and the change. Right.

Braquelle Murphy [00:03:29]:
Like, the advocacy changes over time, and it’s. It’s really unlike any. It feels. I don’t know, being a military spouse, like, it feels unlike any other advocacy like I’ve ever had to do. And I think it’s so easy to get lost in the demands and the pressures and the title of the military, I think, for the service member and. And the spouse. Right. And so just navigating that together is ongoing and challenging.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:03:57]:
Yeah. Can you say more about how it’s different than the other times you’ve had to advocate for yourself?

Braquelle Murphy [00:04:04]:
Yeah, I don’t know. It. I mean, I’ve, you know, gone through school and lived in different places and had different jobs, so I feel like that I’ve. I’ve kind of advocated in those areas, you know, most of my life.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:04:20]:
Yeah.

Braquelle Murphy [00:04:21]:
But I was. I was really met with a lot of hard nos when advocating for myself in those areas, you know, when we were stationed overseas, you know, and. And I feel like so many times I could have just, you know, stopped and took the no. And I guess did something else. Right. But. But I really felt so strongly in just maintaining who I was, like, maintaining my identity and continuing to grow in the ways that I wanted to grow regardless of the demands of the military.

Resilience Through Self-Advocacy Strategies

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:04:52]:
Yeah, Yeah. I was thinking it. It’s sort of tied to resiliency. Like, as you were talking about that the word resiliency came to my mind, and certainly, like, if it was something that didn’t matter that much to you, maybe a no is fine. It doesn’t mean that you’re lacking resiliency. But the fact that there was something that mattered so much to you that even when you were faced with no’s, that you kept advocating for yourself to find a way towards it. That, to me, feels very resilient. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Braquelle Murphy [00:05:27]:
And looking back. Yeah, I think it feels resilient and I’m happy that I did it, but I remember in the moment, it. It felt devastating at times, but I think that’s where my partner came in and. Right. Like, supported advocating for myself. Right. And supported me emotionally, physically. Right.

Braquelle Murphy [00:05:45]:
At times, you know. Yeah. So I feel like that. That they go hand in hand. Right. Advocating and then. And then having that support from. From your partner or other sources.

Braquelle Murphy [00:05:56]:
Right. To continue that advocacy.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:05:58]:
Yeah, yeah. That’s so important to it. Like, helps keep your Motivation up to keep advocating when you have a supportive person in your life.

Braquelle Murphy [00:06:08]:
Exactly.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:06:10]:
Yeah. I think when I think about this in my own life, kind of very similar. I. For me, I think my career is like, one of the most important aspects of my life, and certainly that’s not the case for. For everybody. Other people have other parts that are really important, but for me, that is like, one of the primary things, and that is the part where I had to advocate a lot. And I think for a long time I sort of. I sort of, like, blamed the military.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:06:41]:
I was like, I can’t do what I want to do because of the military or. Or like I. I had to give up my dream job because we moved. And I think for me, what. What sort of helped me transition was this idea? Well, I. I get to choose what’s next for me, and I can. I can sort of take responsibility for how I want my life to look, even when it’s not how I want it to look, and try to find a way to move forward. And that sounds very similar to what you did.

Braquelle Murphy [00:07:22]:
Yeah. And I definitely relate to the blaming at times. Definitely. Definitely after the overseas move, it was. It was a lot. It was a lot of change.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:07:35]:
Yeah. And it’s that. Yeah, it is a lot of change. I definitely don’t want anyone listening to. To think that I’m, like, belittling how hard that is. It is so hard. The loss is massive at times, and to feel out of control, I guess in so many ways is very hard. But I think for.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:08:07]:
For me, in, like, my own journey, it was like I almost, like I had given over control to the military. They. And they did. They still have so much control, you know, so that’s. That’s not like, totally gone, but it. When. When I could somehow find a way to. To take back control, to feel like I am the one who’s responsible for the choices I make next, then that really freed me up to.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:08:37]:
To feel like I could pursue what I wanted. What do you think helped you, like, when you’ve had to advocate for yourself, what. What helped you do that?

Braquelle Murphy [00:08:49]:
Again, I think it was the support from multiple people, but also, just like you said, the career was so important to you. For me. So when I. When. So my husband and I met when we were 18 and 19. Right. So, yeah, So I was at community college and met him, you know, like at a party or, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Braquelle Murphy [00:09:13]:
And he was actually joining the Air Force and, you know, did all. Did all the things, you know, I went to his. His Graduation and everything. And his first duty station was Japan. And. And so I think that was the first time that I really, you know, obviously we had to kind of assess our relationship, right? Are we gonna, you know, is it gonna be long distance? Is it gonna. Are we gonna get married? And. And we both agreed that marriage wasn’t the right next step.

Reclaiming Life Through Exploration

Braquelle Murphy [00:09:42]:
We, you know, we felt we were just not ready, you know, for multiple reasons. And so I stayed home and finished. I mean, went to my bachelor’s program, moved around a bunch, you know, studied abroad and just kind of just did whatever I wanted, right? Like, whatever. Felt like it was, you know, feeding me and, like you said, kind of taking back some of that control, right?

Like, it was the hardest thing, know that the most important person to me was so far away, right? But. But, like, taking back some of that control for myself and just doing what I wanted to do educationally, job wise, travel wise, like, exploring what I wanted to explore. And. And this is kind of where he came in again, right? Like, he was a cheerleader, right? He was like, study. Study abroad, right? Like, I never was met with, you know, well, why would you do that, you know, or don’t do that, right? And again, he was so far away.

Braquelle Murphy [00:10:40]:
And so I was disconnected from the military in a way, right? But. But that was really kind of my. In that time. Just my, like, lifeline was. Was being able to do what I wanted to do and getting that support from him. And so I think when we got married and I then accompanied him in Germany, I kind of kept that going and felt like, you know, there was.

I had, I don’t know, this drive in me, right, that was like, there’s no way, like, I’m gonna let, you know, the military dictate what I’m gonna do and who I’m gonna be, right? And so I had to choose a master’s degree program. I started my master’s degree before we got married.

Braquelle Murphy [00:11:19]:
I did choose a program that was. That was. I could do online, and I knew I could finish my internship in practicum, you know, like that last piece that we have in our programs overseas. And so that was kind of already in place. But then, of course, I get there and I’m like, I need a job, right? Like, I need friends. I need community. Like, that’s really important to me. And I kind of was hit with, like, a wall of, like, you know, to me, I was like, I don’t know.

Braquelle Murphy [00:11:47]:
I guess my expectation was, like, it’s going to be easy to find a job. It’s going to be easy to make friends. It’s going to. You know, and. And it wasn’t. And that was hard. I think that transition was one of the hardest transitions I’ve ever gone through, because you’re so far away. He was, you know, of course, busy with the demands of the military, obviously, full time, right? And I kind of just got there and it was exciting at first, right? Being in a new country and.

Braquelle Murphy [00:12:14]:
And I guess having the option to eventually travel. But then, yeah, I got there and I’m like, okay. You know, we hung out and did a few days of whatever he wanted to do, and then he went back to work. And I remember one day just laying on the sofa the entire day, and I was like, I don’t know what to do. Like, this is not me. I can’t do this. And of course, I was looking for jobs and stuff. It took me six months to find a job, and that was with a bachelor’s degree and going through a master’s degree program.

Braquelle Murphy [00:12:46]:
And that was because the jobs just weren’t available, right, to military spouses. And so I was looking on base, of course, and it took me six months. And eventually I got a job on base working at hospital. And once that happened, things felt like they started to pick up, right? Like, I started making friends at work. I obviously had a job. We got a dog, right? That helped. And so everything started picking up and. And it was going well, right? And I felt like I was kind of, bit by bit, kind of gaining my self identity back, gaining these really important things back.

Military Community Support and Education Challenges

Braquelle Murphy [00:13:25]:
I met some really great people in my neighborhood, right, that were part of the military community, and they were a huge piece of me being okay there. A huge piece. And, you know, and then I guess the education piece kind of hit a wall, right? You know, I’m going through my program, and then, of course, Covid happens.

And I needed to find practicum and internship site, right? Be able to, you know, finish that requirement and then start practicing as a therapist. And I reached out to, I think about a year in advance, I reached out to the person that. The program coordinator of the. The program that apparently, like, existed at the hospital for behavioral health people to do internships and things at the hospital. She answered.

Braquelle Murphy [00:14:17]:
And I sent. I filled out all the information and sent it back. And I’m like, okay, like, this seems like easy, right? You know, I’m like, it seems like there’s the program, right? And. And then, you know, once it started inching closer to the date, I reached back Out. And, you know, I kind of was. Got this email that felt like a really hard no. You know, they’re like, they’re PCSing. They didn’t know who was going to be stepping in as the program coordinator, and they didn’t know if the program was going to continue.

Braquelle Murphy [00:14:46]:
And.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:14:46]:
Oh, my gosh.

Braquelle Murphy [00:14:47]:
Yeah. And I was. I was. Yeah, yeah. Devastated, Frustrated and all. All of it. Like, all the things, right? And. And be.

Networking to Discover Program Leader

Braquelle Murphy [00:15:01]:
But because I worked at the hospital and I was trying to do my internship in practicum at the place I worked, I very quickly started just asking around. Like, you know, certain people would come in, you know, onto the unit, right. From different parts of the hospital. Hospital. I would be like, do you know who’s taking over the program? Right.

Is the program continuing? Just started to use my resources because, you know, I’m like, I have access to the email addresses, right? I have access to, you know, the phone to call different units and ask around. And so I started doing that, and someone finally gave me an answer after a couple weeks of this is the person that’s taking over the program. And as soon as I got that person’s number, right, I started calling.

Braquelle Murphy [00:15:40]:
And I think in one day, I caught her, like, three times because she was going from different units, and I, like, missing her. And she finally answered, and, you know, she’s like, yeah, I’m taking over the program. You know, I don’t know what. I guess, in what units are available for, like, interns yet. Like, they’re still trying to figure all that out. And I’m like, can I meet with you now? Like, I’m at work. Can I go over there? Because, you know, she was on the same base. I’m like, can I meet with you now? She’s like, yeah.

Braquelle Murphy [00:16:08]:
So I went over there. You know, of course I got a break, right? I went over there and had all my stuff printed out. And I’m like, this is what I need. I explained everything to her, and she let me know that they were considering, like, her. She was considering, like, taking on an intern in. On her unit. And I. I guess because I had gone over there and just looked organized and driven and motivated, she was really motivated to have me as an intern, right.

Braquelle Murphy [00:16:38]:
You know, when she met me. And I think, I guess down the line once I interned with her and, you know, got pretty close with her, right? And we had a good relationship. She. She let me know that that was one of the things that was so important, was that I showed up and I was ready and I Advocated for myself. And that was the reason that she took me on as an intern.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:17:00]:
Yeah.

Braquelle Murphy [00:17:01]:
Yeah.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:17:01]:
What a journey you’ve been through, is what I’m thinking. And so many, so many times in different ways that you had to advocate for yourself and in different, sort of, like, different areas of your life. Let me see if I can, like, pull out some of the things that stood out.

So one, like, towards the beginning, you said kind of like you did things that you wanted that felt nourishing for you, that. That. That, I don’t know, for your soul or, you know, who you are, that that was a big piece of focusing on what do you want and doing those things that you want. And then I was thinking in this. In this next section around kind of the career with the move to Germany.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:17:48]:
You were. You were sort of persistent. There was. There was a way that you knew, this is what I want, this is what I’m going to go after. And you asked for help. You didn’t try to just do it on your own. You. You thought about, these are the resources I have around me.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:18:04]:
How can I try to tap into those resources to get to where I want to go? I think those are the big things that stand out to me. I don’t know if you feel like I might be missing a piece of it. Yeah, I was thinking focus, like, knowing what you want, doing the things that you want, asking for help when you need to, and then being really persistent. Those are the qualities that really stood out from your story to me.

Braquelle Murphy [00:18:35]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would agree. I would agree that. I think kind of what you just said, I didn’t even realize, really. But, like, the. That asking for help and the support, you know, at times it was hard because obviously people didn’t, like, meet that need. Right. You know, I kind of put myself out there to ask.

Braquelle Murphy [00:18:52]:
Right. And. And sometimes people, you know, didn’t answer my emails. They didn’t answer my phone calls. Right. And that was hard. But I, you know, I did have people that really cared. Right.

Braquelle Murphy [00:19:02]:
Like my supervisor, she advocated for me. I mean, so once she decided to take me on as an intern, we did all the paperwork and everything. And then we had to, of course, work with the education department to get their final, like, go ahead. And no one was answering the phones. We were getting, like, automated emails. She was going over there, trying to talk with someone. I was calling, trying to talk with someone. And it was this automated email that was saying the program was on hold because of COVID and soldier readiness.

Braquelle Murphy [00:19:30]:
Right. And so, yeah, so, yeah, we were hit with that. And it was. I mean, that was. That made me angry, right? Like, I’m like, I work here. I want to work in this other unit and give more of my time. And like, I have all the things. Like, I’m like, I have a CAT card.

Agreement Process Communication Breakdown

Braquelle Murphy [00:19:48]:
I have all the things that I need, right? And it’s like I couldn’t even communicate with someone and say that, like, I’m not coming, you know, where they would. And. Oh, and the biggest thing was that my school had. It had an agreement already on file with the school, with the, the hospital that was valid and not expired, right?

And I couldn’t even talk to someone and say that, like, there’s literally nothing on your end that you guys are doing besides saying, I can do this, right? And, and that. I mean, I was in that period of like, not knowing if I could do it just based on that for about, like, three months. I. I mean, I couldn’t get a hold of anyone. No one, you know, and no one was answering, right? And.

Braquelle Murphy [00:20:25]:
And so actually the chief of the unit that I was working on transferred to the education department. And I knew him, right? And so I kept calling, I kept calling, and one day he finally picked up and I said, you know, I work on this unit. I know you from there. And, you know, he was kind of saying, no, like, you know, you can’t do it. No, like, go somewhere else into it. And. And I’m like, I remember just being like, sir, I don’t have any other options, right? Like, you know, this is my only option. There’s an agreement on file, right? And.

Braquelle Murphy [00:20:57]:
And a really big piece was that if I even pushed my internship off from. For a semester, it would interfere with when we’re PCSing, right? So I would have had to start and then finish somewhere else. And I knew that would have been terrible. And so he finally just kind of said yes. And I was able to start like three days before my, my semester started. I got like the go ahead of I could do it.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:21:24]:
Oh, man. Such a close deadline. Yeah. I was thinking the. As you were saying that, I was thinking other things that you. You were doing that helped you advocate for yourself was sort of this pre planning ahead. There was a lot of pre planning ahead to try to get all of the things to line up. But then also you used anger, which I think is so great.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:21:52]:
I mean, like, I. I would also be tempted, like to just be on the couch, you know, like those. Especially when you get so many no’s or so many blocks to what you want to do or where you want to go. Um, it is devastating. It is sad. But sadness kind of like deflates you, you know, whereas anger is very energizing. There is a way that, like, you could access your anger as. As, like, a motivation to keep going.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:22:25]:
Yeah.

Braquelle Murphy [00:22:26]:
Yeah, definitely. I would definitely say that that was kind of like what was pushing me and, like, really pushing me out of my comfort zone, too. Right. Because I don’t. I don’t know if I felt like, you know, the most confident calling the chief of an education department. Right. But it’s like, I just had this drive. Like, I’m just really not going to accept.

Braquelle Murphy [00:22:49]:
No. You know, and especially after I had already done, like you said, all the planning. Like, I had checked to make sure the education agreement was on file. I had reached out. I had found the program coordinator when there wasn’t one, essentially, yet. Right. Like, no one knew of one. And.

Braquelle Murphy [00:23:06]:
And so I. That was really what was pushing me. I think it was the anger and the frustration and. And just feeling like, like, I’m not going to let. Like. Like, I’m not going to let this happen. Like, I can’t. I’m not going to do that.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:23:19]:
Yeah. Yeah. I have a. I have a friend who says you have to make the choice first. Like, you decide this is what’s going to happen, and then you find a way to make it happen. But that it starts with the sort of. The decision. Yeah.

“Overcoming Fear to Self-Advocate”

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:23:38]:
And part of. I think another thing that came to my mind, what you’re describing that you did, is you didn’t let uncomfortableness or, like, fear or anxiety stop you, even though it was uncomfortable to call the chair or the chief. I don’t remember what you called him, but even though that was uncomfortable, you still did it, which is huge. Yeah. So I know we’ve.

We’ve kind of been like, pulling out these pieces of what helped you really advocate for yourself in these different areas. But I also know that you are, you know, practicing as a counselor. So how do you talk to your clients about advocating for themselves? Are there any things that you recommend, based on that sort of side of your experience for how people could advocate for themselves?

Braquelle Murphy [00:24:37]:
Yeah. And I think one of the biggest things that we kind of already pointed out is, like, the support. Right. Like the support system that can be such an important piece, like, whether it’s your spouse or a friend or a parent or a co worker. Right. I mean, my co workers were, like, cheering me on every. Even helping me at times. Right.

Braquelle Murphy [00:24:59]:
And. And so I Think that that’s a really big part of it is just reaching out for that support, you know, and, and yeah, I think that’s really important. I mean, I think that’s how I would, you know, talk to a client about that. Right. Like first noticing who. Who do you go to for support and just making sure that that’s in place before making or trying to make these really uncomfortable, you know, like, decisions and putting yourself out there and, and not that you need the support first or anything like that, but it can be really helpful. Right. Because there were a lot of times that I didn’t.

Braquelle Murphy [00:25:35]:
I got the support and it just like, like was nourishing and feeding my soul and just kept me going.

Building a Supportive Network

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:25:41]:
Yeah, that is. So I think you are onto something with that because if, if I keep getting blocks, that’s, that’s kind of unmotivating, you know, but then if I have, you know, three or four people who I know are going to be supportive, then they can help me find the willpower, I guess, or the energy or the motivation to keep trying. And that I think also brings us maybe to maybe some like, intentionality of picking your support system.

Like, not everybody is supportive in all things. Like, like, I remember, I remember when I wanted to get my masters and my dad, my dad was like, why would you get that? He’s very supportive, you know, in other areas. But at the time he, he just thought that didn’t make any sense to go do so. He would probably not be the person, you know, other. But my mom, she was all for it, you know.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:26:52]:
So while some people can be. Are supportive overall, they’re not always supportive on this one thing that I’m trying to do. So who, who can I be intentional about with? They’re my support system for this thing.

Braquelle Murphy [00:27:09]:
Yeah. Yeah. And I think that really brings up a good point too. Right. Because, you know, we know that our partners and spouses can’t be all the things for us all the time. Right. So, you know, this was definitely taking a toll on my spouse over time. Right.

Braquelle Murphy [00:27:24]:
Like the unemployment financially. I mean, I was wanting him to meet my emotional and social needs. Right. When I got to Germany, which was a lot to ask. Right. And I mean, the other thing was that I wasn’t sponsored when I went over there. So it took six months for that to happen. So I couldn’t drive.

“Overcoming Challenges in Proxy Marriage”

Braquelle Murphy [00:27:41]:
You know, there was a lot of roadblocks there. Right. So we got married by proxy in Germany. And Yeah. And so there was a lot of pressures there from the military in general you know, and so, yeah, so it’s like, at times he was having a hard time with everything that was going on. And so, you know, then I caught a friend back home, you know, I. I called my sisters, you know, and he was very supportive a lot of the time, but sometimes, you know, he couldn’t meet that need for me.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:28:12]:
Yeah. Yeah. There’s a way that you. You were like, how can I meet my needs? How can I make sure I’m okay? And you. And also, like, giving your partner grace to not always be 100% the perfectly supportive partner, because that’s very hard for any of us to do. Yeah, I like. I just like what you’re talking about. I think all of this is so, so important because there.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:28:39]:
The reality of military life is that there are blocks, like, all the time, and I suppose in life in general, but I think, you know, more so with. With being associated with the military. And I think it’s even a good reminder, like, for me, like, when I face blocks, these are the things that I can remember. Who can I go to for support? How can I think about what I want, try to be persistent, ask for help if I need it?

Braquelle Murphy [00:29:09]:
Yeah, Yeah. I think another piece, too, in terms of what I would say to a client, too, I guess, is just, you know, like, empowering. To. Empowering a person. Right. To look for the resources. Right. Because there are many resources available to military spouses, you know, and so look there too, right.

Braquelle Murphy [00:29:34]:
And ask questions. Ask call places and ask questions. Right.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:29:41]:
Yeah, yeah. There are a lot of resources. They’re sometimes hard to find. They’re. They’re like. I don’t know, like, when I look at the websites and stuff, I’m like, this is so much information. I don’t know where. Where to find what I’m looking for.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:29:58]:
That takes some persistence, even in that, to find some of those resources.

Braquelle Murphy [00:30:04]:
Yeah, exactly. And like, I did my CA scholarship when we were in Germany, and that’s actually what funded the. My emdr, like, thing. And. And some other things. Right. And. And so that was.

Braquelle Murphy [00:30:17]:
That was. That was an empowering piece. Right. Like, there was a scholarship that existed for military spouses. Right. For education. And that was something that I had. Right.

Braquelle Murphy [00:30:26]:
That. That kept me going too, and was like, feeding my soul. And it felt. It felt good to be able to prioritize, I guess, certifications and additional schooling that I wanted to do because of that resource was available to me.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:30:43]:
Yeah. Awesome. Well, I’m thinking that we’re getting close on time. Do you have any sort of, like, final thoughts or tips or words of wisdom for anybody listening and thinking. You know, I don’t know if they’re long distance or if they’re struggling, like, with blocks in their career. Any final words you’d want to give them?

Braquelle Murphy [00:31:06]:
Yeah, I feel like what I needed to hear. Right. Like, when I was going through, it was just that it’s. It’s possible. Like, it’s possible to do what you want to do and meet those needs. It really is. And there are people, you know, in. In the communities.

Braquelle Murphy [00:31:22]:
Right. That want to help. And I know it’s hard. It’s so hard to be met with someone you knows and feel like, you know, I remember feeling spousal education not the priority. Like, I felt like I heard that message a million times. I’m like, I get it. Right. But, yeah, but it’s definitely possible and it’s hard.

Braquelle Murphy [00:31:44]:
And yeah, I think just that.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:31:48]:
Yeah, yeah, I think that is probably really helpful because that’s the. That’s the danger is that I think I might want to give up thinking it’s not possible. And so I love your words of wisdom. Yeah. Well, if people want to, I don’t know, work with you or ask you questions or find you in some way, how would they go about doing that?

Maryland Therapist: App Contributor and Profiles

Braquelle Murphy [00:32:18]:
Yeah. So I currently work at a group practice right now called Anchor Counseling Centers. It’s in Maryland. So you can find me on their website because I have a profile, and then you can also find me on Therapy den. I have a profile there as well. And then I did want to mention that I recently contributed to an app called how to Get Through. The app is launching in March of 2023, so very soon. But the program that I contributed is called how to Get Through Long Distance Relationships.

Braquelle Murphy [00:32:53]:
So obviously that applies to our military community. And I do talk a lot about why people are feeling what they’re feeling, you know, in long distance, what’s going on in their body, like what’s contributing to what they’re feeling, attachment styles, you know, hormones, all that kind of stuff, and then just how to get through it. So some practical tools, you know, to get through the long distance.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:33:16]:
And so, yeah, I think that’s probably going to be very helpful for a lot of people. I know so many military couples are long distance. I mean, of course, the deployment is a long distance moment, but who are long distance for a long period of time? I think my husband and I were long distance for like a year and a half where we just lived in different places. And I know you were you were. So I’m glad. Three years. Yeah. Oh that’s hard.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:33:52]:
My like heart hurts hearing that. Yeah. But so I’m glad you have that resource for people. Yeah. Well Brackel, thank you so much for being on the podcast. I really enjoyed our our chat and I think it’s going to be helpful for for lots of people.

Braquelle Murphy [00:34:11]:
Yeah. Thank you for having me.

Elizabeth Polinsky [00:34:23]:
I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. If so Please take a second to go rate, review and subscribe so you get all of our future episodes. Make sure to check out the show notes to sign up for our FREE 10-week relationship email course.

This email course is really designed for people who are maybe having trouble with communication or connection in their relationship and helping them develop some quick wins right away to start improving it. While I am a therapist, this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not considered therapy and it should also not be a replacement for therapy. If you think you need a professional of any kind, you should definitely go find one. Until next time.