Benefits of Premarital Counseling with Rev. Erica Callicutt

Episode Summary of “Benefits of Premarital Counseling”

Welcome to The Communicate & Connect Podcast, where we delve into building stronger relationships and enhancing communication—crucial aspects for couples everywhere, especially those in military families. I’m your host, Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky, and today, we’re exploring an integral topic for any couple contemplating marriage: the benefits of premarital counseling, with our guest, Rev. Erica Callicutt.

In this episode, “032: Benefits of Premarital Counseling with Rev. Erica Callicutt,” we uncover the profound impact that quality premarital counseling can have on your relationship. Rev. Callicutt, a licensed and ordained minister, brings a wealth of experience in pastoral care, wedding officiating, and social work. Her approach emphasizes inclusivity and balance between spiritual insights and clinical counseling techniques.

We focus on how premarital counseling can effectively reduce the risk of divorce, improve communication skills by fostering empathy and active listening, and equip couples with the tools needed to navigate future challenges. Rev. Callicutt shares how assessments in premarital counseling can help couples identify and expand on their strengths, set realistic goals, and address potential concerns in a safe, non-judgmental environment.

Guest Speaker Bio – “Rev. Erica Callicutt”

Rev. Erica Callicutt is a compassionate and inclusive licensed and ordained minister with extensive experience in providing support and guidance to individuals and couples, irrespective of their religious or spiritual backgrounds. Her non-judgmental and non-anxious approach stems from her significant work as a hospital chaplain, where she has served in a level one trauma center and with veterans through the VA.

Rev. Callicutt’s dedication to fostering communication and connection shines as she engages in conversations aimed at helping military couples and others build stronger relationships. Her expertise and genuine care make her a valued voice in the realm of emotional and spiritual support.

Check out Rev. Erica Callicutt’s services through her website or Instagram @TietheKnot with Rev Cali.

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Episode Transcript for “Benefits of Premarital Counseling”

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:00:01]:
This podcast is sponsored by Communicate and Connect Counseling, where we have a team of therapists who provide individual, couples, and family therapy services, all tailored to meet the needs of military and veteran families. To learn more about our services, visit www.communicateandconnect.com.

Welcome to the Communicate and Connect podcast for Milit Relationships with your host, Elizabeth Polinsky, a military marriage counselor. If this is your first time listening to the Communicate and Connect podcast, please take a second to go, rate, review and subscribe to make sure you get all our future episodes. We also really want to know what it is you love about our podcast. And if for some reason you’re not loving it, we want to know that too, because we’re committed to providing the best quality content to help you improve your relationships.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:01:05]:
Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Communicate and Connect podcast. This is episode 32 on benefits of premarital couples counseling with Reverend Callie. I’m really excited to have Reverend Callie here with us today. I think I’m just going to let you introduce yourself because you have a, like a kind of a variety of things in your history that you’ve done.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:01:33]:
Yes, thank you so much for having me. I’m excited. I love the Communicate and Connect podcast. You have shared some awesome gems and wisdom to help military couples and we all need help with communicating and connecting. So I’m definitely just excited to be a part of this conversation and a little bit about myself and history.

I am a licensed and ordained minister, but with that, of course, the couples that I have had the privilege of journeying with, they don’t have to be churched or spiritual or religious. So I find myself to be a very inclusive space, a very accepting space, non judgmental, non anxious, because that also comes from my skills as a hospital chaplain. So as a chaplain in healthcare, I have served in a level one trauma center as well as with veterans through the va.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:02:33]:
And so I have definitely enjoyed my time being able to offer pastoral care and counseling to veterans for individual counseling, couples counseling, or family counseling. I also wear the hat of wedding officiant, and that definitely comes sometimes, of course, synonymous with being a minister or chaplain. And so being a wedding officiant has allowed me to reach people beyond sometimes the four walls of a church. So I have enjoyed that journey as well.

And also being a wedding officiant, sometimes you also have to put on the hat of being a premarital counselor. And so all of that has really allowed me to journey with couples on their way to marriage. And even before marriage, you know, just being able to strengthen their relational skills and communication skills. And so, you know, I’ve definitely taken all of these experience and added another responsibility to my list while currently being in a graduate program for social work to join in that great group of licensed clinical social workers.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:03:51]:
So I’m excited for all of my experiences coming together so that I can further serve and help those in need, especially couples who want to do the work to strengthen their relationship. So I’m excited about what we’ll talk about in hopes to maybe persuading those couples who have been hesitant about premarital counseling to maybe dispelling some myths and highlighting the benefits of it.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:04:20]:
Yeah, you wear so many hats. You’ve done so many cool things. I don’t think I could have done it justice. So I’m so glad I had you introduce yourself. And I. I just love that you’re like a really great example of merging faith in clinical practice, and that’s such an important thing. Someone’s spirituality and their spiritual life is such an integral part of who they are as a person, and sometimes it doesn’t get fully addressed. Like, I’m not trained the way you are to be able to help somebody with that aspect of their life.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:04:59]:
And so I think that’s so cool that you are able to bridge the two there. Yeah.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:05:06]:
I really love and enjoy being able to meet couples who want to involve that spirituality component to their counseling. For some couples can definitely be a plus. But also to those couples who feel like they don’t have a spiritual base or, you know, spirituality that they lean on, it also doesn’t have to be a barrier.

Premarital counseling options: Pastor vs. Licensed Therapist.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:05:28]:
Yeah. I think another reason why I was excited to have you on the podcast is because a lot of people, when they are getting married, they might go through premarital counseling with their pastor or with a pastor versus somebody who is maybe like a licensed therapist. I know there are quite a few different options for premarital counseling, and I wanted to give the listeners the layout of their options.

I might actually start with a story briefly of my personal experience with premarital counseling. We used military onesource. I don’t know if you’re familiar with that, but it’s a free resource that is provided to military families where they can get up to 12 sessions of free counseling a year. And so we did that for premarital counseling, and we actually had a really horrible experience, which is so unfortunate. But I think especially for military couples, that’s what is pushed is like military.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:06:42]:
One Source is your resource for counseling, premarital counseling. And I just we were. We were pretty, like, appalled. The person had never really didn’t work with couples. They worked with foster kids. They never even asked us, like, if we had any concerns about our relationship. And then the moment I brought it up, I was like, okay, actually, I want to talk about this. I have these concerns about getting married.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:07:11]:
And she said, oh, I can’t help you, then fired us as a couple. And I was like, wow, that’s the quality of services I get with military onesource. Okay, So I have a strong bias against it because we had a negative experience. I’m sure other people have more positive experiences, but I wanted people to know there are better options out there. So I’m glad we’re going to talk about premarital counseling.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:07:39]:
Yeah, definitely. I think that is so important to understand what options and resources are out there. And sometimes that can feel overwhelming if you’re not. If you’re not sure where to start. And for some couples, that’s a barrier, and it just kind of further delays the journey of being able to start premarital counseling. It’s like, well, where do we start? Or I don’t even know where to begin to look. And sometimes you. You may start with Google, or you may start with asking, you know, a friend or a family member.

Negative experiences deter counseling; persist for success.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:08:19]:
And so, you know, for instance, you know, if a friend or a family member had a bad experience and they share that with you, that may also kind of settle in your mind and be like, well, they had a bad experience. What if I have a bad experience? And again, it just kind of delays the progress. And I’ve certainly had interactions and sessions with veterans who didn’t always have pleasant experience with counseling or couples counseling during their time of service. And because they’ve expressed it felt like it was just something to check the box and they were looking for more of a relational.

Having a relational experience, having a good rapport with their therapist and feeling like, you know, they weren’t just someone that was checking off a box for them to fulfill, you know, what they needed. And so it’s so important to not allow one experience. Sometimes you may have a not so good experience, but just the willingness to say, you know, I’m going to try again and see, you know, where the next search takes us. And I always encourage couples to have a sense of expectation for, you know, what you’re looking for in the therapist or in the counselor or in the pastor.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:09:51]:
So, you know, you have an idea of what you’re looking for. Because if you don’t know what you’re looking for, then you may be easily disappointed. So it really does kind of start with having a conversation with your partner to say, what do we want to get out of the premarital counseling?

What do we want from our therapist? What goals do we have? When you have a good counselor, they’ll hopefully have an assessment with you first or some type of conversation to make sure before moving forward that they can actually meet the needs and expectations that you have of them and what they want to accomplish in counseling. So it does require some work on the front end.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:10:43]:
Yes. Yeah, I like that idea of, let’s talk together and have expectations, because I do think people should have expectations of who they’re working with and have some high standards. Like, and it’s okay if you don’t click with the person, like, find someone else. And we. I ended up.

I did find someone else, but I found them outside of military onesource right after doing, like, my own sort of research into, like, what was available and what different people did. And so while military OneSource is one option for people, seeing, like, a licensed marriage counselor is another option. And then also seeing someone who is, like, a pastor or doing, like, pastoral counseling is also a really great option.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:11:36]:
So maybe we could talk about, you know, assuming you have a good experience, what the benefits are of premarital counseling. Do you have any thoughts about that?

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:11:48]:
Yeah, I really think that there are so many benefits to premarital counseling that sometimes couples may overlook if they are coming into the thought of it, you know, with some hesitation. You know, with the hesitation of, I don’t want to be judged or I don’t want to be vulnerable. And so it kind of limits the idea of what they could gain. And there’s so much to gain from premarital counseling. I love when I first have my initial conversations with the couple, usually the. Let’s say the fiance, let’s say my guys are always. Usually more reserved. And so they’re like, yeah, I don’t really talk.

Premarital counseling boosts relationship skills, lowers divorce.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:12:39]:
And, you know, they’re very nonchalant and indifferent. And by the end, they are laughing, they are open, they are transparent. And they look at me and say, I don’t know how you did it. And they find themselves becoming an advocate, telling their friends, like, hey, you all need to go and do premarital counseling. It has worked wonders for us.

So I think the benefits are so rich when you allow yourself to be open first to the experience of premarital counseling. So some of the benefits are that first, it’s a great preventative measure, you know, for couples that start with premarital counseling, you actually decrease the risk of divorce. And so it’s scientifically proven and shows that couples who do premarital counseling actually have, you know, more relational skills and tools that they can use when, and I say when and not if they run into issues or concerns in their relationship, because those are going to come.

Maximize strengths in premarital counseling for better communication.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:13:58]:
It’s just a matter of how are you going to handle it? How are you going to work through it? So, of course, some of the benefits to premarital counseling comes with emphasizing or I would say maximizing on the strengths that you already have. So one of the things that I talk with my couples about in the assessment process are what are the strengths? What are the things that you already do? Well, because that’s what I want to maximize on.

I want to start with and empower what you are already doing well and show you what you are already doing well. And I want them to feel good about that and give themselves a pat on the back, like, yeah, we do, you know, laugh well together. We do do this well together. And I want them to see that they have more strength starting out first. So I want to maximize their strengths. And then, you know, the number one goal that everyone wants to walk away with is communication.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:15:04]:
We want stronger communication skills and always challenge that a little bit more and say, tell me more about what that means. Tell me. Give me an example, right? Because communication can be so broad, and we really want to narrow it down to understand what is it about communication that you want to improve. I always say, in order to have good communication skills, first you have to have great listening skills.

Most of the times we’re not communicating effectively because we’re not listening actively. And it’s so important that we understand that we have to start with the listening. And I feel that with listening comes empathy. And when we can have those two present first, the communication really does become naturally better.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:16:02]:
And so I think those are the benefits, because that empathy is really about understanding. And sometimes that’s where the disconnect is, right? So the podcast is communicate and connect. And sometimes our communication causes us to have a disconnect. So we want to look at what are this cycle of interaction and looking at where couples are getting stuck and how do we get them unstuck.

And so most of the times, it, of course, starts with communication, but really trying to narrow that down. So of course, that’s a benefit in itself. Right? There is building strong communication skills, strong and active listening skills. And with that, you really do Cultivate a safe space for empathy and understanding.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:16:54]:
I love that you are talking about this. I feel like you’re speaking the language of my heart. It’s so lovely because, yeah, how can communication go well if I don’t listen and listen to understand instead of listening to respond and having like leading with my caring for my partner and the empathy there like that.

Yeah, I think that’s just so important. So let me summarize real fast. So so far we’ve got benefits of premarital counseling include a preventative measure. So having and having more skills for when challenges come up in your relationship down the road. And I loved a lot of the things you were talking about, about how you would go through.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:17:43]:
You focus on, you do an assessment, something our premarital couples counselor never did. But you do an assessment and you really focus on the strengths, what they’re doing. Well, not necessarily problems. I think a lot of the problems might come later on in a marriage as well. But helping them build up their strengths so that way they can kind of be a strong unit before a ton of problems come along. And then, so, and then one of the main topics you cover is communication. And I’m hearing communication has a lot to it, which involves listening and empathy.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:18:22]:
It certainly does. Yeah. And it’s so important, like you said, to understand what the strengths are. And then that assessment piece, one of my primary focus is understanding their goals. And again, this comes with them having some expectations of what they want to accomplish.

So for me, during that assessment period, some of the benefits are how can couples establish their goals together and then how do we use those goals each session to see if we are meeting that goal, if we still, you know, if we’re ready to progress to the next goal or do we need to stay here a little bit longer and do some more, some more work here, some more interventions, some more, you know, listening to really understand if we’re meeting the concerns.

So it is so important, yes, to understand the strengths, also highlighting the goals. But we also, we, you know, we got to talk about the concerns, we got to talk about the challenges that, that do exist.

Safe, unbiased relationship counseling benefits and guidance.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:19:34]:
We definitely don’t want to go in with rose colored glasses and think, oh, my partner doesn’t do anything that annoys me. My partner won’t upset me, my partner hasn’t upset me. So we definitely want to be open and transparent about setting some expectations around creating a safe space in couples counseling. When you have a good therapist, a good counselor, whomever you’re going to for premarital counseling, their role should always be to make sure the space is safe and it’s non anxious, it’s non threatening, it’s not judgmental.

So that if there’s a need to practice how couples need to address concerns, let’s practice it here. Let’s use the therapist as a coach to see maybe where the communication is getting stuck and allowing that therapist to guide you through. So those are some of the benefits where you get this unbiased perspective and guidance from someone who does not know you, who won’t take sides because that’s also a fear that, oh, a therapist is going to take sides with my wife or my partner. I don’t want to be ganged up on.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:21:04]:
And so sometimes that fear again delays from getting to the benefits. So we want to make sure that we’re practicing having a safe space at all times to address concerns because we want to work on also that conflict resolution, how we resolving the conflict. Because I tell couples if we don’t resolve the conflict, we’re going to repeat the conflict.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:21:30]:
Yes.

Effective communication for conflict resolution in relationships.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:21:32]:
And so that’s a part of the benefit is knowing how to communicate what the concern is, but also how to resolve the concern so you’re not repeating the same type of conflict over and over again without any resolve. So I feel like that’s also another strength is by establishing those goals and having a safe space to practice how you want to address concerns. Sometimes you may have a partner that has an avoidant personality where they just kind of want to avoid confrontation and they’re not sure because maybe that was something that they picked up in their family of origin.

Well, you know, I saw my mom didn’t, you know, confront my dad or my dad never confronted my mom or my parents never confronted each other and to, in order to avoid conflict. So we just never talked about our problems and we just, you know, let them kind of, you know, disappear. They never got resolved, but there was always tension in the household.

So we want to establish an atmosphere that allows couples to kind of practice and feel safe with how to establish their language to start to address maybe some concerns that they may have in the relationship. And just, you know, by using the premarital counseling session as a safe space to do that is another benefit.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:23:04]:
Yeah, there’s so much that you’re saying that I, that I really love. Like safety has to come first, safety with your therapist or your pastor, but then safety in the couple relationship where we know, okay, I can share and I’m going to actually be listened to and understood and my partner is going to care about what I’m saying and that those things are kind of. They have to come first in order to have the conflict resolution and have it in a way that actually really resolves it versus having it keep coming up. I think another thing that’s, like, standing out in my mind just about our episode so far.

My intention starting this was just to talk about premarital couples counseling, to try to. Because couples who go through premarital couples counseling, they do have better outcomes than couples who don’t go through premarital couples counseling. So that was my intention in this. But we’re also getting this side message here of what makes for a good counseling experience and what makes for a bad counseling experience and how to know the difference and what to look for in your provider, which I think is also a useful message.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:24:21]:
So.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:24:22]:
Definitely. Definitely. And I say it starts with the research sometimes depending on, say, for instance, when I started my own personal search for a therapist, I started on Psychology Today, and it allowed me to kind of list and type in my zip code to find therapists that were in the area. And I was able to read their specialties to see what they specialize in. To see. Okay, yes, I need someone with experience and life transitions and burnout and compassion fatigue. And so that helped me to narrow down. This is who I want to do further search on to see if this is someone.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:25:08]:
Someone that I feel that I can connect with and go on a deeper level with and be vulnerable. So that’s a part of the research that I think couples, you know, should definitely look into. If we’re talking about military couples and we have trauma, that is an issue, you know, whether it’s ptsd, whether it’s military sexual trauma, you know, the list goes on for sometimes the conditions that can, you know, for instance, just chronic pain can really have an impact on how couples connect.

So sometimes it’s really about looking at the physical conditions that couples have. The physical, the emotional. We talk about moral injury. Sometimes that can be sometimes a barrier for couples to connect. And whether you have two partners who are both in the military or one partner who’s in the military, military, and one who’s civilian, and they don’t know how to connect with their partner who is having some issues with PTSD or moral injury or mst.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:26:16]:
And so it’s so important to understand how all of that is important to look at sometimes not just the relational issues, because sometimes it can be connected to what’s going on with you physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Choose qualified therapist; prioritize comprehensive assessments.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:26:31]:
Yeah, I couldn’t agree More So I’m going to just summarize so far we have. You want to research and make sure that whoever you’re going to see, whether they’re like a licensed therapist or a pastor or even military onesource, you want to make sure that that person you’re going to see actually has training and experience in what you guys are going through both as a couple. But maybe if you have something individually, like a lot of trauma in your background or an illness of some kind, you want your provider to be knowledgeable about working around that.

And then I heard you talk about assessment, which is something I do also like. I feel like you have to do an assessment to figure out how people are communicating, how their families have impacted them. So you do an assessment. I do an assessment that would be a sign of like, you want that to happen. That would be a sign of a good experience, hopefully.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:27:31]:
And then you talked about really identifying goals, having a joint goal that comes from the couple, and consistently working towards those goals throughout each of your sessions together. And then the last one was safety, feeling safe with who you, and comfortable that both partners in a relationship feel safe and comfortable with their provider. And those are signs of a positive, a more positive experience for premarital couples counseling.

Ask about premarital counseling curriculum options first.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:28:08]:
Most definitely. And I would also say to couples that want to use their pastor, it’s okay to ask your pastor if they use a particular curriculum because sometimes pastors may develop their own premarital counseling format or layout that is interwoven with scripture or theology. And if you are looking for a different approach, it’s okay to ask, you know, do you also use a curriculum? Because there are definitely faith based curriculums for premarital counseling and there are some that, you know, don’t have a faith based emphasis. But, you know, it still allows for a faith based, you know, couple to still get what they need.

And one of the things that one of the curriculums I use is simbis saving your marriage before it starts. And that’s been a great structured curriculum for me to use with couples whether they are faith based or not. And if, if they are looking for more faith, we can always add that in.

So it’s just important to ask those questions as well of your pastor to see, hey, pastor, what are some of the topics that you’re going to be covering during our premarital counseling? We want to talk about finances, we want to talk about expectations, we want to talk about family of origin, conflict resolution, intimacy, children, how we’re going to raise children, self care.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:29:45]:
And again, that comes with the conversation that you have with your partner prior or what are some of the topics that we definitely want to touch on. So it’s okay. Also, you know, just like you’re looking for experience from a licensed professional, you can also engage and ask your, you know, pastor or pastoral counselor their experience and access to resources and curriculum as well.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:30:11]:
I’m glad you brought that up because that was going to be one of my questions was, you know, what can people kind of expect from going through premarital couples counseling and how might it be different from a pastor versus a therapist? For sure, the faith base is like a huge part, but there are, and I think similarly to how some pastors kind of create their own premarital counseling curriculum that they follow.

Therapists might create their own too, but then there are those structured ones, whether they’re more on the educational side or therapy side. There are very specific types of counseling that people could go through or educational programs that people could go through. Can you think of any other differences that might exist between, like, seeing a pastor versus a. A counselor?

Pastoral counseling: prayer, scripture, joint sessions, mentors.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:31:08]:
Yeah, I think some of the differences when you’re going to see a pastor, you know, one of the things they may start with is prayer. And if that is something that is significant to a couple and they want to increase their faith or their spiritual journey, then that could be something that the pastor definitely helps them to increase their spiritual foundation.

So they may start with incorporating, bringing such spiritual practices such as prayer. And so your pastor may start and end the session with prayer, or they may ask, you know, the couple to initiate the prayer or end with the prayer to get them comfortable with developing, you know, their spirituality or their spiritual practices.

Pastor may also reference scripture and along with the topics throughout the sessions. So again, if, you know, building your biblical knowledge is important and referring to the Bible is important as a part of building your relational foundation, then you may find benefit in having those scripture references. For instance, a pastor may also, you know, whether it’s a woman pastor or a male pastor, they may have their spouse to co counsel with them. So you may also kind of have a joint session and, you know, for instance, like these marriage mentors that are guiding you through together, so you get both a male and, you know, female perspective in the premarital counseling journey.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:32:58]:
So that could be some of the differences and the. From your pastor or, you know, a minister to, you know, a more licensed professional, you know, counselor or, you know, therapist. So, you know, those are some of the differences. I’m trying to think what else? So I really Think, you know, the pastor will definitely kind of incorporate theology. Depending on what your denomination is, depending on, you know, what type of church you are a part of, you may get that theology of your pastor or of that church, you know, and maybe the couple also has a good sense of what their theology is.

And so they may also able to have that dialogue with their pastor about that to go deeper into building their theology or strengthening that. And with a, you know, just a counselor, a licensed counselor. Like you said, there are pastoral counselors that work in private practices, so they can still infuse, you know, those spiritual components as well.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:34:09]:
You just for clarity, I guess when I said pastoral counseling, I was thinking like the pastor of a church providing counseling. But now I’m seeing the differentiation that you’re bringing up, that there are people who are licensed counselors who do spiritually based counseling, and that could be called pastoral counseling as well.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:34:33]:
Right, right. Because there’s still this fusion of theology and spirituality that is, you know, integrated into the clinical approach. So we’re still looking at, you know, clinical practices and intervention, but we also kind of call in, you know, how. How does your spirituality allow or align with how you’ll cope or navigate with this practice?

And so there may be more of a clinical but yet spiritual component with a pastoral counselor in a private practice setting that can really go a little bit deeper to more of a cognitive, you know, approach with understanding where couples may also get stuck and when they’re kind of trying to use their faith and spirituality. But there still may be a cognitive barrier and connecting all of it.

And so they may be able to sense that and say, I’m, you know, kind of experiencing that There’s a disconnect here. Or when I brought this up, I noticed a hesitation or a change in your body language. Can you say more about, you know, where you are with how to use, you know, your faith to cope with, you know, whatever the barrier is.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:35:57]:
Yeah, I can see that being almost like the best of both worlds because you’ve got the spiritual side, but you also have the like, science psychology side kind of married together. And so I suppose it really comes down to what people are looking for. Yeah. In. In. In whoever they see.

Well, I’m so glad that you were here on this podcast with me to talk about this because you definitely, with your experience and knowledge on that, like, I really cannot talk about, about faith based counseling or I just am not trained, you know, so I’m so glad you’re able to provide this other perspective and we can give People this kind of, this array of ways that they can get help. And it’s not really help.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:36:47]:
I mean, it’s more like taking active preventative measures to strengthen relationship prior to problems coming up. And so they could do that with a pastor, with a, like a Christian counselor or a faith based counselor, or with somebody who’s licensed and has experience and training and helping couples. And so you do this, right? Yeah. You do premarital counseling. So can you talk a little bit about how people would find you, how they would work with you if they wanted to do that?

Website connects couples with premarital counseling, services.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:37:21]:
Yeah, most definitely. So I have a website that allows couples to find me there and they can see the wedding services as well as just the premarital counseling services@www.purposeconnection. and also just the power of social media. I have had numerous couples that have reached out and they lived in different areas, different states, but and they just wanted the premarital counseling and before, you know, they were going to maybe their pastor to get married because they wanted, you know, someone who didn’t know them to do their premarital counseling, but they wanted their pastor to do the wedding.

And so just the power of social media has allowed me to connect with couples as a pastoral counselors, as a minister, because I’m not caught in the licensing barrier right now. Until I get that certification of LCSW to where I’m only licensed in my state to do so, I have a little flexibility to offer that pastoral counseling with couples. And so it sometimes starts with Instagram, to be honest.

And it just, you know, from them seeing maybe a review or a testimony of another couple who did premarital counseling and they reach out and then we, you know, start our consultation and kind of again start the assessment, understand what the goals are, what they want to accomplish to make sure we’re going to be a good fit together.

Mutual fit, referrals in couples counseling process.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:39:02]:
Not only do I want couples to feel like they’re a good fit for me, but I also want to feel like I’m going to be a good fit for this couple. So there may be times where there’s a couple who may have some other underlying issues that really need to be treated. And I do of course, believe in the power of referral.

And so again, in that assessment, you know, I may say I’m hearing that there are some, you know, heavier concerns that, that you all may need to address well after premarital counseling. And I’m sensing you’re going to need long term support with that. So for that I’m going to refer you to explore Here. Or I may have a direct handoff for a therapist for them. So that’s really kind of the start to how couples can connect with me.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:39:55]:
And I will share just one last benefit to premarital counseling is deeper connection. Building a deeper connection with your spouse, with your soon to be spouse. Right, your partner. Because when you have a deeper connection, you’re deepening your emotional availability. And that is a plus for increasing intimacy. So for, for ladies, that’s a plus.

You know, when you, when there’s more emotional intimacy, I always tell men, then that’s when the physical intimacy is truly organic and natural and it doesn’t have to feel like a chore for your partner if you nurture the spiritual, emotional side of her. I often always love to see the expression of when a woman hears her partner saying what he appreciates about her and she was like, wow, I never hear you talk like this or hear you say these things out loud.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:40:56]:
And they’re surprised and I believe they’re a little intrigued and turned on. And it’s like, wait a minute. And so that again, is probably one of the biggest benefits. So that’s why I always say, like, don’t sleep on premarital counseling because it really opens the door for a stronger connection. Like you said, communicate and connect because that’s where you’re going. Strengthen your intimacy.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:41:20]:
Yeah, I love that. I’ll include your website in the show notes and your Instagram. Could you just say like, what your Instagram handle is for people who are listening?

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:41:30]:
Yes, it is at Tie the Knot with Rev Cali. And that’s just R EV C A L L I Tie the Knot with Rev Cali.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:41:41]:
All right, awesome. So everyone should go follow her. Yeah. And if you’re interested in premarital counseling, you should definitely check her out. That is a big benefit that you aren’t bound by state licensing laws. So you could work with anybody, anywhere. And I hope everybody after this episode is pro premarital counseling for yourselves and that you preach it to the world. Thank you, Reverend Callie, for being on this podcast.

Rev. Erica Callicutt [00:42:08]:
Thank you, Liz for having me.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky [00:42:19]:
I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. If so Please take a second to go rate, review and subscribe so you get all of our future episodes. Make sure to check out the show notes to sign up for our FREE 10-week relationship email course.

This email course is really designed for people who are maybe having trouble with communication or connection in their relationship and helping them develop some quick wins right away to start improving it. While I am a therapist, this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not considered therapy. And it should also not be a replacement for therapy. If you think you need a professional of any kind, you should definitely go find one. Until next time.