October 21, 2021

Marriage Meetings

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What’s my number one tips for marriage? This is the third episode of a series on Getting Ready for Marriage. ​In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky discusses the importance of marriage  meetings and how to have them. 

IN THIS PODCAST

SUMMARY:

  • Importance of marriage meetings
  • How marriage meetings can improve your communication 
  • Topics to include in your marriage meeting 
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MAIN POINTS:​

1. Why I am doing this series on Getting Ready for Marriage:

It’s wedding season now and I had a wedding photographer reach out to me asking me to provide some tips for couples getting married. I created an entire checklist for her with the things I think are foundational for getting ready for marriage and starting off your marriage on the right foot. If you want the checklist, you can download it here!

2. My story with marriage meetings:

 In past relationships I was always someone who couldn’t let things go–especially if I was feeling anxious or worried that there was a conflict between me and my partner. I would bring things up over and over again. I would end up having a hard time just enjoying my quality time with my partner until things felt resolved–but of course it rarely felt resolved because there was never a good time to discuss it. Then my friend sent me a podcast called multiamory where they went over relationship RADAR meetings. I loved the idea of doing monthly relationship meetings, and when I started dating my husband (before I became a couple therapist) we began doing these meetings just a few months after starting to date. We still do them now and it is one of the most important things we do together that helps make our relationship work.

 Marriage meeting help you put things on the back-burner so you can be more present and enjoy your time together.” — Elizabeth Polinsky

3. Why have marriage meetings?

  • It’s important of having a dedicated time to discuss things. Marriage meeting help you put things on the back-burner so you can be more present and enjoy your time together.
  • Marriage meetings help you set aside time for difficult conversations.Making sure you set aside time to discuss difficult topics like sex and unresolved fights is important. Sex is often a difficult topic for couples. Marriage meetings give you a chance to check in about what you like, don’t like, or want to try sexually. Marriage meetings also can help you revisit conflict and fights to discuss how they went and if anything still need to be addressed from the fight.
  • Marriage Meetings help you be on the same page together.Topics like financial planning, preparing for buying a house, household chores, parenting, etc.  
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4. Typical Marriage Meeting Agenda:

  1. Recap since the past month and check in on progress toward goals. 
  2. Agree to agenda points and then discuss. Agenda topics can include quality time, health, family updates, updates in other relationships, sex, health, travel plans, finances, needed discussions (family planning, unresolved fights-content, how fights went-process, etc). 
  3. Set new goals. 
  4. Reconnect by doing something together such as going on a date or cuddling. 
Action Steps: 

Download the template I use for my marriage check-in meetings and try one out with your partner try one out with your partner here!

Liz’s Useful Links: 

Podcast Sponsor: The Relate Assessment is the most comprehensive relationship assessment in the world and is based on 10 predictors of marital stability. It’s supported by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and is the one my husband and I used during our premarital couples counseling. To get 20% off the assessment, go to https://relateinstitute.com/ and enter “POLINSKY20”.

Thanks for listening!

     

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    About Author

    Elizabeth Polinsky is a Certified Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist (EFT) providing EFT marriage counseling in the states of Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, Arkansas, and Nevada. She also provides EFT training and supervision to therapists looking to become certified in EFT Couple Therapy. As a military spouse, she has a special passion for working with military and veteran couples, and is also the host of The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships.

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    My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided is not intended to be therapy or psychological advice; and nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship.

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